The Crack of Haruhi Suzumiya
by proud shipper
Summary: [THE MELANCHOLY OF HARUHI SUZUMIYA] The SOS Brigade is in for a wild summer as they encounter crazy summer camps, car chases, bears, deserted islands, San Francisco, peanut butter and jelly, & other stuff. Oh, there's monkey eclairs too. R&R, but no flame
1. Prolouge

Hey guys. Welcome to The Crack of Haruhi Suzumiya. My brother and I wrote this together, and we still have a long way to go, as there are so many ideas we have to put into the story! This story is ment to be total crack, so don't take it too seriously. If we offend anyone, we don't mean to, honest. If you find yourself saying "Hey! I've heard that/seen that before!" you're probably right coz we got a lot of our lines, scenes, and pretty much all of our characters from different animes, shows, videogames, etc. So, thanks for reading, and please review. If we get at last one good review asking to continue, we will immediantly post up chapter one (which is much much longer then this one) next. Please review, but no flames! 

**DISCLAIMER**: We do not own Haruhi or any other character in this story, and practically most of the dialouge, althought this story line is pretty much ours :)

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**The Crack of Haruhi Suzumiya**

**PROLOUGE**

It was the last day of school in North High and it was snowing, which was odd becuase it was summer. Only few said goodbye becuase they knew that they would see each other again, either at S.H.A.M.E.L.E.S.S Boy's Bootcamp, or S.U.N.F.L.O.W.E.R Girl's Arts and Crafts camp.

_Well that is a load of crap_, Kyon thought as he looked out the window of the Literary Clubroom, or as Haruhi called it, the "S.O.S Brigade Clubroom". He heard from an insider that the S.U.N.F.L.O.W.E.R Girl's Arts and Crafts camp was actually a secret underground military training facility, training young girls of all ages in giant robot fighting, weapon making, lock picking, detective 101, the cullinary arts, and more.

S.U.N.F.L.O.W.E.R stood for: Sceret Underground Network For Learning Operation War Education Recon.

_Well, at least Haruhi won't be bored over the summer_, Kyon thought, and continued to stare at sky that suddenly became clear and bright, as if there was never any snow at all.

* * *

_What kind of lame name is that_, Haruhi thought as she pondered over Kyon's camp, S.H.A.M.E.L.E.S.S Boy's Bootcamp. She had heard from Tsuruya that it was a tough as nails bootcamp, owned by Sergeant Johnson of the UNSC. From what Tsuraya said, S.H.A.M.E.L.E.S.S stood for: Sergeant Hates All Males Everywhere Like Eastern South Shibuya

And speaking of South Shibuya, both camps were located in the same area, the only thing seperating them was a large lake. The reason why Kyon and Haruhi (as well as almost more than half of their year) are going to the camps is because they all had failed at least one class. Well, Haruhi actually didn't, but she wanted to go, saying, "I must watch over my fellow girl members!"

* * *

Kyon, still looking out the window, was suddenly awakened from his thoughts. Sometihing was licking at his bare feet. It was Itsuki, jam and peanut butter dripping from his mouth, and all over Kyon's foot.

"What the fuck?!?!" Kyon yelled as he yanked his foot away from Itsuki's dirty, dirty hands.

Itsuki looked up from under the table, bewildered and in a panic. "Uh...I can explain," he said, coming out from under the table.

"No need for an explination," Kyon said, annoyed and disgusted.

Kyon got up from the table and went out the door.

"Where the hell are you going? " asked Haruhi, pissed.

"I'm going home," Kyon answered. "I had enough of this sexual abuse!"

"Oh come on! It was only the third time!" Itsuki shouted.

"Fouth!" Kyon yelled slaming the door. He headed home, and started to pack for the trip.

Little did he know that this summer was going to be one giant rat race from hell.

* * *

So, what do you think? What's gonna happen next? Is SHAMELESS really tough as nails? Is SUNFLOWER really a secret millitary training facility? Why wasn't Kyon wearing any shoes? The answers to these questions (except for the last one) will be answered in Chapter One of The Crack of Haruhi Suzumiya.

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	2. Snakes on a Train

Alright everyone, we got Chapter One up! Thanks to our reviewers (Deus X Machina and Fizzy 13), we now feel like this fic might actually be ok to show to human eyes :p

**DISCLAIMER: NAZO NAZO, MITAI NI CHIKYUUGI WO TOKIAKASHITARA, MINNA DE DOKO MADE MO IKERU NE! **haha. We don't own any of the characters in this crack fic.

**

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**CHAPTER ONE**

Snakes on a Train

"Why are you so excited?" Kyon asked his sister. "And why are you following me to the station? And why are you bringing a suitcase?"

"I'm going too!" She said happily, skipping along side him on his way to the station.

"What?!" he said shocked. "Mom said you could go?"

"Yeah! I'm so excited! Spending five whole weeks with Haruhi, Mikuru and Tsuraya will be fun!"

_Huh, sure,_ Kyon thought. "Wait, did Haruhi invite you? Jeez, that girl..."

He shook his head as he walked-his sister skipped-to the train station.

When they got there, he saw the hundred plus students waiting in the platform, and Haruhi, arms crossed, pissed off, staring at him.

"God Kyon! You're holding everyone up!"

"What are you talking about? The train arrives in ten minutes!"

"Whatever! When your brigade chief tells you to meet at 9:50, you meet at 9:50!"

"It's 9:51!" Kyon shouted pointing at the station clock.

Haruhi looked at her wrist watch and grined. " 9:52 "

"Shut up!" Kyon said, aggravated.

"No you shut up!" Haruhi said back

"No you shut up!" Kyon said

"No you shut up!" Haruhi said

"What was that!?" Itsuki said, paranoid.

"It was the wind," Yuki said. Everyone turned around. "Oh. Sorry."

Just then, the notorious Computer Club president walked in.

"Hey! Get your ass ova here, I need my suitcase," Haruhi said in a slightly strong Latino accent.

Kyon looked behined him, and saw that the Prez was holding Haruhi's large, _overly large,_ suitcase.

"Hey Haruhi!" he said as he walk towards Haruhi struggeling to lift up the heavy items. "What do you got in here? Rocks?"

Suddenly the suitcase opened up, and large rocks fell out.

"Yes." Haruhi said with a grin.

"What the Hell!" he screamed.

He then dropped the bags and ran over to Haruhi."Why the hell would someone need rocks! "

"Who wouldn't need rocks?" Haruhi replied.

" Forget that!" The Prez replied, angered. He reached into his pocket and got a piece of lint. "Is this your lint?!" he asked with a chinese accent.

Itsuki, very angry, stepped up to him and snatched the lint out of his hand. "That was my lint, you bastard!" Itsuki said in a voice that sounded like Mike Tyson.

"Where did all these accents come from?" Mikuru asked.

Kyon rubbed his forehead, "I don't know."

"Look!" His sister called out.

"It's a bird!" Itsuki called out.

"It's a plane!" Haruhi yelled.

"It's a-"

"It's the fucking train!" Kyon said. "Jeez you guys. You're all so overly dramatic."

"No, really." Haruhi said, pointing behind him. "There's really a bird."

"And there really is a plane," Itsuki said.

Kyon turned around.

"PSYCH!"

"Damnit Haruhi!"

"Well, that being said, there's the train! Let's go."

The train pulled into the station, and the students piled in. As the train started to lurch, someone yelled: "We got snakes on the train!"

"Ahhhhhhhh!" some screamed in a girlish way.

"Itsuki!" Kyon shouted over the commotion.

"Sorry," Itsuki said.

Suddenly Haruhi, annoyed, got up from her seat and said: "I am tired of these mother fucking snakes on this motherfucking train!"

She then threw some random guy out the window.

" What the heeeelll!" the guy said with his last words.

"What the hell!" Kyon said to Haruhi.

"I just felt like it," she replied, arms shrugged.

Suddenly, a giant ass snake came up on Haruhi. She fell backwards as the snake was going to attack her.

"Not on my watch!" Kyon heroically shouted.

He suddenly grabed Itsuki's legs and swung his body like a bat. The snake droped dead.

"Thanks for saving me," Haruhi said.

"Your welcome, " Kyon said, quite suprised.

" Not you! Itsuki."

" Yeahhh!" Itsuki said

After two straight hours of wild snake attacks, Haruhi realized how to take all the snakes out. She got out a set of bongo drums, and called for Mikuru. She got Itsuki to play the drums, and she put makeup and a cave women outfit on Mikuru. Itsuki started to play a slow beat on his drums while Mikuru did a little dance becuase Haruhi shot at her feet with an SMG.

"Why are you doing this?" She pleaded with Haruhi, jumping for her life.

"Just go along with it!" She called. "Kyon, take this overly large axe I found in the bathroom, and cut a big hole a couple feet in front of Mikuru."

"Why?" He asked, as he fought off a snake that fell from the ceiling.

"Just do it!" She said, as she threw the axe. It almost hit Yuki, if she hadn't movied her head 5/6 to the right. "Sorry!"

Kyon looked at Yuki who tossed him the axe. She was swapping away the snakes like they were nothing.

"I still don't understand why I have to do this. And why Itsuki's playing the drums!"

"Look!" Haruhi answered, pointing to the pack of snkaes behind them. They all stopped attacking the passengers and dropped to the floor. The slid slowly towards Mikuru. "Make the hole! They're attracted by Mikuru's provocative dancing! Once they get near the hole, they'll fall off the train!"

"Well, ok," Kyon said, as he quickly cut through the blue, blood stained carpet.

"Hurry! They're getting close!!" Kyon hurried, and was able to make a giant hole just in time. He jumped out of the way, as all the snakes, as if being executed infront of a firing squad, fell one by one out of the train.

"Yeah!" The passangers rejoiced.

"You can stop playing Itsuki," Haruhi said, sweat and blood on her forehead.

"I can't."

The rest of the trip was very peaceful, inspite of Itsuki's irritating drum solo. Haruhi fell asleep on Kyon shoulder, which got him somewhat annoyed, but secretly he didn't really mind. Secretly. He wouldn't tell anyone.

The train stopped an hour later, and the got off at a small station where they had to take the bus for a couple of miles to reach the camp. As Kyon got off the train, he thought to himself, _what a weird start to summer vacation..._

_

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_That was Chapter One! We're holding Chapter Two (the biggest chapter of all) hostage, so if you want it, we want reviews, NOW! So start reviewing, and maybe we'll release it.  
Have a nice day :D Hehehe... 


	3. Parallel Days

Hey guys! Chapter Two has been released all thanks to our kind reviewers (Mr. Mushroom, bullterrierlove, and Deus X Machina). Like we said earlier, this is the longest chapter (as far as we know, we're still in the process of writing), so don't lose heart when reading! This chapter explains a lot, so I suppose you should read. Thanks for reading this crack story!

**DISCLAIMER**: _Scilence fills the empty grave, now that I have gone, but my mine is not at rest, for questions linger on. Now I shall ask, and you will answer. -- _Heh, something for the Halo fans. I do not own any of the characters or any other stuff, except the story line.

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**CHAPTER TWO**

**Parallel Days**

Before anyone got on the bus, they had to do a check up on everyone going to either camps. A tall man with a black top hat had all the girls and all the boys sperate in two lines. Kyon was able to meet up with Taniguchi and Kunikida in line, and asked them where they were on the train.

"You guys are whimps. You were probably hiding, huh?

"Hiding? Like hell we were hiding," Taniguchi said, "I was driving the damn train! The engineer died when went to go check on him."

"Yeah, and I was helping," Kunikida said, smiling.

_B.S.,_ Kyon thought.

When the boys reached the end of their line, a man with a dove and toga held a clipboard, asking each boy their name. He had small brown eyes, and a handle bar mustache.

"What is your name sir?" He asked Kyon when it was his turn. "Full name please."

"My name is-"

Meanwhile, in a jungle in Africa, a bear was juggling tomatoes.

"Alright, thank you sir," the man said with a smile. "NEXT!"

"KYON!" Haruhi called, rampaging through the line. She knocked him down, in front of all the other boys, and the creepy dove man.

"Jeez Haru-"

"Oh! What is this?!" The dove man said in his annoying accent, "is this your girlfriend?"

"No," Kyon said miserably on the groud as Haruhi got up, brushing off her skirt. "She's my master."

"Heh," the man said The Prez was next in the line.

"Hello sir, what's your name?"

"My name is-"

Some where, somebody was hit in groin with a football.

"Alright sir," the man said " Hmmmmm...I don't see you any where on the list Hey, Lola!"

Suddenly a fat women from the other camp appeared out of nowhere.

"What is it?" she said in a raspy voice.

"I can't find this chap on the list."

"Well what's his name?" she asked.

"It's..."

Some where in the deep blue sea, Spongebob commited suicide.

"Well, thats a nice name...for a wuss," she said in a mocking tone.

"Well I looked in the boys list, I was wondering if he got into your camp," the toga man said.

"Thats perposturous!" The Prez said.

"Actually it's right here" she said. She showed him the clip board, and in big letters, was his name.

"What the _hell"_' he said shocked. "Then wait, who is going to the other camp then?"

"Uhhhh...Yuki Nagato" she said.

"This is a nightmere" he said tramatized " I don't want to spend time with girls!"

Kyon was watching the sulking Computer club presidant with interest. The bus was about to come. The girls bus was already there, and girls were piled in.

"Bye KYON!" Haruhi yelled through the bus window. "See you in five weeks!"

The bus zoomed off, and was out of sight. Kyon looked up in the sky, and saw the sun was blocked out by storm clouds. Bolts of lightning flashed in the sky as he saw the bus arrive. The doors opened, and there stood a hunchbacked midget.

"Come in everyone, come in,"_ it_ said, "I am your bus driver."

The boys piled in the dirty bus. Bugs and other things were crawling inside. Kyon sat in the back of the bus with Taniguchi, and Kunkida was sitting in the next row, next to Itsuki.

Taniguchi dropped a CD, and it rolled under the next seat.

"I'll get it," Taniguchi said.

He reached under the seat for the CD.

"Ow! Pointy!" Taniguchi yelled " Ewww! Slimy! Ahhh! Moving!"

He reached out his hand from the seat.

"A skull!" Taniguchi said. "I wanted my CD."

"PLEASE SIT DOWN!" the midget said as he started up the bus. "YES YOU!"

"Sorry!" Taniguchi said, sarcastically.

"YOU BETTER BE!"

After half an hour of kicking and screaming, they got to the camp. It was raining hard for some reason in this area while it was sunny in the other camp. They all got out of the bus. A man in a green marine uniform walked up to the boys.

"Marines! A-TEN-TION!" He said" My name's Avery J. Johnson. Seregant Johnson to you bitches! First of all, is any one from South Shibuya?"

A guy raised his hand. "I am."

Suddenly Johnson got out a battle rifle and shout his brain out.

"Anyone else?"

Another guy raised his hand. Johnson shot his brains out.

"Anyone else? Come on, don't be shy."

Taniguchi was about to raise his hand, but Kyon was able to stop him. "What are you doing? We're not even from here!"

"Alright, first of all , you are here because of one simple reason: YOU ALL SUCK!" He spat in Itsuki's face.

"Ewww!" he said shaking his body and wiggiling his arms.

"Now, Jenkins here," he said pointing to someone who was in an executor suit. "Will show you to your cabins."

Jenkins blabbered on the trip until they were to the cabins. The cabins looked old and covered in mold. It was dark and the gray paint was chipping badly. Kyon, Itsuki, Kunkida, and Taniguchi went to there cabins and Kyon suddenly found Yuki sitting in the corner, eating an apple.

"Yuki?!" Taniguchi said in suprise. "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at the other camp?"

"I was transfered here," Yuki said plainly. "I am assinged here now."

"Ok then," Jekins said pointing to the beds. "This is where you sleep, over there is the bathroom, and over there is the closet."

"What's inside? " Kyon asked, opening the closet door.

"No, thats-" Jenkins began.

Suddenly R Kelly came out of the closet.

"You get back in there!' Jenkins yelled to R Kelly.

The closet door closed, and Jenkins went out.

" Meet in the mess hall in two hours!" he said before leaving.

"Dear god..." Kyon said. He couldn't help but wonder how Haruhi was doing at her camp.

* * *

"This is so cool!" Haruhi said, pushing her way to the front of the bus, and jumping out the door. 

"Watch it," said some girl with pink hair.

"Psh. Watch where you're standing, Lardo." Haruhi said, turning around to face the girl.

"You are such a bitch!" the girl said, stepping out of the bus.

"Ohhh. You did not just say that!" Tsuraya said from behind the pink haired girl.

"Oh, but she just did!" Haruhi said, arms on her waist. "And I don't care what she thinks of me!! Your not all that anyway."

"Like you are!"

"What's your name?!" Haruhi asked, getting in the the pink haired girls face.

"Sakura. You?" she said, glaring into Haruhi's eyes.

"Haruhi."

"Can we just get along!" The Prez said coming out of the bus. The rest of the girls watched the argument from the bus windows.

"I know how to settle this," Haruhi said with a grin. "Rap battle!"

"Yee-ah!" Tsuraya said.

All of sudden, a mic fell from the sky. The Prez started to beat box. Haruhi then began to rap:

"_You think your all that?  
When your smelly and fat.  
You look like a rat and your mama  
has dibeties!"  
_

She dropped her mic, and pointed to the girl. "Your mama, your mama, your mama, your mama, your mama, your mama, your mama, your mama, "

Sakura then combusted into flames, and droped dead. "Aw, you just got schooled!" Haruhi taunted. " I think you should get on the school bus, cause you got schooled!"

"Can we get off the bus now?" The other girls said, still cramped up in the bus.

"Yeah, yeah." Haruhi said, walking into the main building for the opening ceramony.

"Al." Haruhi said to the Prez.

"What?" he asked. "Who are you talking to?"

"You." Haruhi said. "For now on I'm calling you Al."

"Why!?" The Prez asked. "Whats wrong with my name!?"

"It's boring," she said, "and it's way too long, so that's why I'm calling you Al, and besides it will attract ladies."

"Fine, fine." he said knowing he couldn't change her mind.

(_Note: For no on, we are calling the Prez, Al, because, well, do you really want us to keep calling him "the prez"? I don't think so.)_

When all the girls (and Al) got out of the bus, they all took a seat infront of a small stage in the main building. A lady came out, dressed in a red jacket, black tank top, a mini skirt, and a white cross necklace. She had purple hair, and a nice smile. She began to walk back and forth across the stage, hands behind her back. "Hey ladies! And uh..guy. My name is Misato! Welcome to S.U.N.F.L.O.W.E.R. You think you're going to be having fun making crafts, and going on nature hikes, and all that other stuff. Well guess what?" She stopped her pacing at the center of the stage, and gave them a grin. "You're not. Any questions?"

A million hands rose up into the air. Haruhi jumped around, excited. "Me! Me! Misato! Over here!"

"You in the corner," Misato said, pointing to another girl.

"Uh, yeah. Where's the bathroom?"

"Down the hall, second dooor to the left." Misato said. "Any more questions?"

Again a million hands were raised. "You there!"

"Um...then what are we doing here?" Mikuru asked.

"Follow me." Misato lead them to a huge door, with a panel of sqaure buttons. She pressed a green arrow that pointed down, and the door opened to reveal a small elevator. "Come on, guys! Pile in!"

"Uh, you don't expect us to ALL fit in there...do you?" Al asked, looking slightly nervous.

"Of course I do!" she said, smiling. "It's no big deal. Come on guys! Get in." She led the way, and when she noticed that all the girls, minus Haruhi who was already standing right next to Misato, wasn't following, she said, "Look, if this guy touches you in any inapproprate place, I'll wip his ass. Ok?"

"Ok," the girls said miserably, and got in. As the door closed, they were packed in tighter than a can of sardines.

"Watch out!" a girl screamed, as she felt Al's hand touch her behind.

"I'm sorry!" he said.

"Raise your hands in the air! Raise 'em!" Misato yelled from the other end of the elevator. Al shot his hands upward.

After about a minute, there was a ding, and the elevator opened, spilling all the girls onto the floor. Misato steped on them on her way out. "_This_ is what you're going to be doing."

* * *

At the mess hall in SHAMELESS, every one was sitting down waiting for Johnson, when he finally came in. 

"Once again, welcome to Shameless," he said. "You are going to make yourselves champions in this camp! Today you will all run across a large field. Except you," he said pointing to Yuki. "You don't have to run."

" That sounds easy," Kyon said.

" Well that's the easy part," Johnson said back. "In the field, there are lots of pits, mines, and a bear."

" OK then..." Kyon said slowly.

They went out into the field.

"Alright Marines, run on my mark," Johnson said. " Ready, set, GO!GO!GO!"

Everyone began to run. Kyon looked back, and saw people fall into the pits, or being eaten by the bear. Suddenly, people exploded from the mines.

"Stop exploding you cowards!" Johnson shouted.

After some time, Kyon made it across the field alive.

Kunikida had Taniguchi on his shoulder, knocked out by a bear attack. Just then, a scorched Itsuki came crashing to the ground.

"Ow," he said

Suddenly, the bear came up to Itsuki.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!" he screamed as the bear dragged him to a pit of jam and peanut butter.

"Should we help him?" asked Kunkida.

"No," Kyon said. "It's fun to watch."

After two hours, Itsuki was thrown out of the pit, covered in jam and peanut butter. Kyon found out that half the camp died. He went to a shower to wash up. When he opened the shower door, a raccoon came out.

"The hell?!"

He wondered what else was going to happen. After his shower, someone knocked on the door. He went to open it. When he opened the door, he saw a man wearing a hood, and holding a large axe.

Frightened, Kyon stepped back as the man came closer. He got a ball, and threw it at the man.

" Ow, man!" said the figure in a familliar voice.

"Itsuki?" Kyon asked.

" I was just giving you your axe back, jeez" Itsuki said. "I hate going through this every time I return something, god!"

"Alright then," Kyon said.

"What do you think Haruhi, and the others are doing?" Itsuki asked.

"I have no clue," Kyon replyed. "It's probably better then this."

* * *

"OH MY GOD!" Haruhi said in awe. There in front of her was a large circular room, with 5 hallways. Girls were walking around in white jumpsuits, carrying things from helmets, clipboards, and other electric devices. Misato slowly took a look around, and spotted a girl with short brown hair. She looked a little lost as she held her clip board. 

"Osaka!" The girl turned around. She searched the room for the voice, and when she saw Misato waving her arms wildly, she seemed to have woken up from whatever daze she was in, and ran towards her.

"Yes?" she said with a smile.

"These girls are the new pack. Please show them to their new pad, and who they're bunking with." Misato turned towards the girls. "This is Osaka. She's new, and kinda slow, so be pacient. She'll fill you in." Misato grabbed a helmet from a girl that walked past.

"Hey!" the girl said.

"I'm off to fight giant squid with the battle simulator!" Misato said, putting the helmet on and switching a switch on her shoes. All of a sudden, she floated into the air, and flew out of site.

"Bye!" Osaka said, waving her hands.

"Uh...Miss Osaka," Haruhi said, pointing to the opposite direction in which she was waving, "Misato went that way."

"Hey! Don't you contradict me!" she said angrily. "I'm your leader!"

"Alright, alright. Sorry."

"You better be! Ok, so, welcome to Sunflower, here you will learn...uh..."

"Learn...?" Haruhi asked, annoyed.

"I forgot," she said apoligetically.

"Uh, sorry guys," a girl with blonde hair said, putting her hand on Osaka's shoulder. "She's new, and-

"Kinda slow?" the girls said.

The other girl smiled. "Yeah." She turned to Osaka and said, "Shion needs help with cooking. Why don't you go help her."

"Ok!" Osaka said, running off into another hallway with a big smile on her face.

"Are you sure that's ok? Letting her work in the kitchen I mean." a girl said.

"Yeah, she'll be fine. My name is Winry. I guess I'll be your counciler. Usually I teach mechanics, but I have time. Alright, welcome to Sunflower!"

"We know!" a random girl yelled out, "We've been welcomed three time!"

"Oh, heh. Yeah. Sorry. Well, let's see. Uh...follow me down this hall."

She walked down the dimly lit hallway nearest to them, and the girls followed. Lining the hallway, there were wide windows displaying what looked like white classrooms lit with the usual florencent lights, long black tables and chalkboards in the front. Some classrooms were filled, and some were empty, each seeming to teaching a different subject. "This hallway is the prep hallway. Here in these classes you will learn the history of the subjects. For example, you will learn about different wars, combat styles, robot making, enemy manipulation, all that stuff. Stricly reading."

"Awww. We only get to read about it?!" Haruhi said from behind Winry.

Win smiled, "Relax. I said in this hallway. You'll get to actually do all that hands on stuff later on, but you gotta read about it first, or else, you don't know what your getting yourself into."

They made a sharp right turn, and entered a hallway that seemed to go on forever, each growing the six hallways from the room they first entered. As they passed the different hallways, pictures of different women were on the walls, with nameplates under each of them stating their name, accomplishment, date of accoplishment, and occupation. Almost all of them worked at the camp.

"This hallway belongs to the simulations department." Misato said, as the stopped at the head of the next hallway. "Here is where you'll learn how to fight with giant robots, and other mechenary."

They continued to walk, and then stopped at the next hall, where screams and loud bangs could be heard.

"Hey!" Tsuruya said, "What's with all the screams?"

"Well, this is a special hallway. These hallways have large rooms which are used for battle simulations; like giant robot piloting, and giant animal fighting. For example, in your gaint robot fighting class, you will actaully get to chose one of your camp mates, and face off in giant robots, unlike in the other hallway, where it's basically just computer work."

"Yeah!" various girls exclaimed.

"It is pretty fun, but nothing compares to the next hallway. Come on!"

Haruhi was sure there wasn't anything that could beat giant robot fighting, but she followed Winry anyway.

"These are the hands-on classes! Here you will learn how to build lasers, shoot different kinds of guns, dismantle bombs, that kind of stuff. Cool, huh? My class is in this hall. I teach mechanics, automail to be exact."

"Still doesn't beat the giant robot fighting," Haruhi yelled.

"Ehh. You and your giant robots...Come on. The next hallway is the last one, and then you can go back upstairs and get into your cabin groups."

They reached the next hallway down, and came to a stop. "This hall," Win said, sounding quite tired, "Is called the everything else class. Here you will earn secret codes, lock picking and computer hacking, disguise training, and cooking class."

"Cooking class?" a girl asked.

"Yeah. Cooking class teaches you how to cook deadly yet delicious foods to kill your enemy. The teacher is the best, her name is Shion."

"Oh! I know her!" a girl with short black hair that looked nothing like Fujiko said.

"You do?"

"Yeah. She's that girl on TV right? RachaelRay?"

There was a couple minutes of scilence.

"...Ok," Winry said slowly. "Anyway, are there any questions?"

No one raised their hand for awhile, when a girl slowly stuck out her hand.

"Yes?" Winry said with a smile.

"Uh..what does this have to do with my failed grade in math?"

Winry just laughed nervously. "Well a lot of school don't have a lot of money, so we provide them with free summer school for all their failling kids."

"Do they know that it's really a secret millitary training camp?" another girl asked.

Winry laughed. "No. But, you don't mind. Do you?"

"Hell no!" Haruhi said, "Now hurry up so can get into our cabins."

* * *

At SHAMELESS, the rest of the people went to their assigned cabins. Kyon had three other people in his cabin, besides Itsuki, and Yuki. After they all got settled in, Itsuki said that they should all get to know eachother. They sat in a circle on the floor, with the lights off. There was a bond fire, and Itsuki was smoking a peace pipe. 

"Gather friends," he said smoking the pipe. "And listen to the legend, of the Bionicle."

" Wha the hell?" kyon said, angered. "Put that fire and book away."

" Sorry," Itsuki said putting away the book and his fire into his back pocket. "Now anyway, lets get to know each other here. My names Itsuki, I'm a soul reaper"

"What!?" the other boys asked.

"I'm just playing...yeah...I'm an esper, but don't tell a certain girl that, and that's Yuki, she's an alien, and Kyon over there is damn cynical. Alright, now you go," he said pointing to a boy to his left.

"Hello," the boy said. "My name is Renton Thurst-"

" Next!" Itsuki shouted.

"Alright." said a fat boy eating chips. " My names Choji."

" OK Choji," Itsuki said. "Is their anything else you would like to say?"

"I like ceral," Choji said.

"Alright, last and not least, this guy." Itsuki said. "What's your name kid?"

"My name's Naota, and I hate my boring life," he said.

Everyone started laughing.

"No. I'm serious."

"...Ok," Itsuki said.

"OH MY GOD!" Renton said, amazed. "Are you my lost twin brother?!"

" No," Naota said, annoyed.

"Are you related to-" Renton started.

" No," Naota said again.

Kyon was disgusted by all of his cabin mates, except Yuki (he was disgusted by Itsuki in the first place). He then started to extingushed the fire coming from Itsuki's back pocket, while Yuki was eating her red apple. Kyon , just after putting the fire out, started to see illusions of Haruhi's head spiraling in a circle in mid-air. She kept demanding "D_o this! Get over here! Stop watching _Frasier_!" _Then Kyon saw that Itsuki was playing a projection of Haruhi's head while playing a tape recorder in his face.

"I hate you," Kyon said.

"Well you can forget about that cruise that I had planned for us!" Itsuki yelled.

"Ohhhhhhh!" Choji said.

"You shut up fat boy!" Kyon said.

"Thanks for calling me fat!"

All of a sudden, the voice of Johnson was heard over the speakerphone.

"Attention all whimps, and lady." he said "Report to the mess hall on the double."

"What is it this time?" Kyon asked.

* * *

After they got back to the "ground" level (that's what Winry called the actual camp ground), they looked at a bulliten board that listed what girl was in each cabin. Haruhi inspected the board and then walked back to where Mikuru, Tsuruya, Kyon's sister and Al were talking. " Hey guys. Surprisingly we're all in the same cabin; cabin 4. Oh, and there's one other girl too. Some girl named...agh. I don't remember. Whatever, we can find out when we get there." They walked to cabin 4 and from afar saw a girl standing by the door. She had dark pink hair, she wore glasses and had a pair of skates in her hands. When the girl saw them coming towards her, she smiled at them and waved. 

"She seems nice," Mikuru said.

"Well, you'll never know. She's wearing glasses. That's pretty suspecisious." Haruhi said.

"What does that have to do with anythings?" Tsuruya asked.

"Just cause," Haruhi said.

"But Yuki wears glasses," Tsuruya said.

"So? Who cares. She hasn't killed anyone. At least, not that I know of. Just don't let your gaurd down, she could be a spy from another camp."

"I find that very unlikely," the girl said with a smile. "My name is Ringo. Ya know, like the guy from the Beatles?"

"The what now?" Haruhi asked.

"Nevermind."

The all stepped inside cabin 4, and flipped open the light switch. It was a pretty simple cabin, with 3 beds lining each side of the wall. There was a window at the far end of the room, and two shelves stood next to it, with lots of old looking books. The bed frames were white, and the matresses looked pretty flat and worn. The floor was a dusty dark brown, and at the center of the small room was a tiny rug.

"Hmm. Cozy." Tsuruya said. "I call this bed!" She ran towards the bed at the far end on the left side and jumped on it.

"You'd think that the cabins would be hi-tech and all, but it's not." Haruhi said, putting her stuff on the bed nearest to the door on the right.

"Well," Ringo said, taking the bed opposite form Haruhi's. "They have to make it look like a typical camp, right? The whole secret training facility is a secret after all."

"Whatever," Al said. "I'm just glad there's something normal in all this mess." He took the bed opposite of Tsuruya's and walked over to the book shelf. He looked at he titles, and pulled one out. All of a sudden the area around the bookcase began to spin. "Wha!"

"Stop screaming, Al!" Haruhi said. She looked up from her bag, but she couldn't see Al anywhere. "Hey. Where did Al go?"

"I dunno," Tsuruya said.

"Oh well," Haruhi said, looking back at her bag.

"Attention Campers!" Misato said through a loud speacker. "Please report to the rec hall, where you will recive your schedules, and report to your first class."

"First class?!" Haruhi said excitdly. She dropped her bag and looked up. "Come one, guys! Hey, Al, where were you?"

Al, who was standing next to the bookxase, shaking, said, "I don't know."

"Uh, ok. Let's go!" She ran out the door, leaving the rest of the cabin mates standing there.

"Is she always like that?" Ringo asked Mikuru.

"Sadly, yes."

A couple minutes later, every one was assembled in the rec hall. The sat in rows on the floor as Misato stood on stage, next to a girl with glasses.

"Hey guys! This is Shezca. As she calls your name, come up and get your schedules! You will keep these classes through out the entire five weeks. Ok? All right Shezca! Take it away!" Misato patted Shezca on the back, and walked off stage.

Shezca took a deep breath, and said with a smile: "Alright. First I call...Haruhi Suzumiya."

"Oh yeah!" Haruhi yelled, gettting up and racing to the stage. Once she got to Shezca, she grabbed the shedule out of her hands, and raced back to her seat.

"Ok...Next is Haruka Kaminogi. Haruka?"

"My first class is disguise training. Oh yeah!" Haruhi yelled from her spot on the floor.

"Shut up!" Someone yelled.

As time passed, everyone got their schedules, and were about to head to their first class. As luck would have it, Mikuru, Tsuruya, Al, Kyon's sister and Haruhi all had their first class together, which was disguse training class.

When they got to class, they all sat in rows of 8, in long black wooden tables. A women stood in the front of a large white board in the front of the class wearing an elegant kimono. She had long brown-almost orange-hair, and a very nervous expression.

"Hello class," she said. "My name is Ritsu. I'm your disguise training teacher. I-"

"WAIT A DIDDLE DARN MINUTE!" Haruhi said, standing up abruptly. "You're not a women! You don't look like one."

"Haruhi!" Mikuru said. "Don't say such mean things like that. Of course she's a women."

"Actually," Ritsu said, starting to open up the kimono. "I'm not."

He opened his kimono, and everyone gasped.

"What's that?" Kyon's sister asked, tilting her head to the right.

"See!" Haruhi said, pointing. "That's a pe-"

* * *

"Alright, Eclair Night tonight Marines!" Johnson said to everyone once they got to the messhall. 

In front of everyone sat a plate with an eclair.

"Yay!" Itsuki cheered, clapping his hands.

"That's right," Johnson said. "A giant eclair covered in delicious chocolate flavored sause. "

_Chocolate flavored, huh,_ Kyon thought.

"But there's a suprise inside," Johnson said with a grin.

Suddenly something started to stir inside the eclair.

"It's a Monkey!" Johnson shouted.

Monkeys suddenly poped out of everyones eclair.

"Ahhhhhhh!" someone screamed in terror.

The monkeys were attacking everyone. A huge pile was on Itsuki, and some monkeys were jumping around Yuki.

" This...is...random," Kyon said slowly.

After the terrible Eclair Night, they all piled into the cabin, and went to sleep.

Kyon got into the lower bunk of the bunk bed, while Choji got on top. Choji's weight was weighing the bed down, the cheap wood just wouldn't hold his weight. Kyon was about to be crushed. It was quiet for awhile, and Kyon was finally able to close his eyes when:

"Sis...I don't know what to do. This camp is so hard, and I don't think I'm strong enough. I feel like I have to prove myself, because all the boys seem to hate me. I just wish I was popular like Itsuki. Why can't-"

"Shut up!" Kyon said.

The room fell scilent, and Kyon was finally able to sleep, the next day only hours away.

* * *

Haruhi and the rest came back to the cabin after a delicious meal of suckling pig with a red apple in it's mouth, and fresh salads.The cabin was scilent as they got ready for bed. They put up curatins and made Al his own dressingroom, so he wouldn't see the girls undress and dress each time. 

"I'm closing the lights now!" Haruhi said, and flipped the switch. She climbed into her bed, as the others climbed into their own, and stared at the celing. She couldn't wait for the next day to come. After all, she had giant robot fighting class the next day.

* * *

Chapter three will come soon, as we're pretty busy right now, and there seems to be problems with uploading documents on this site (anyone getting the same problem?). But we promise we won't dissapoint you (would anyone be dissapointed if we didn't finish?) and the next chapter will coem soon. Thanks for reading, again! 


	4. That Chap

**WE'RE SORRY!!!!** The reason why this chapter was so delayed is because my brother got hit by a car, and I had to go back in time to stop it. There was a rip in the space time demension, though, as I realized that I had gone back to 1852, and we hadn't been born, causing me tobecome my own mother!!!! Actually the reason it's so delayed is coz we were so busy with school and finals. My brother was done with his part waaayyyyy before I was done, so it's really all my fault. Blame me. Ok, I'll stop talking so you can read the next chapter! Thanks for reading...that is if you still feel like it.

**DISCLAIMER: **sfjkfjklfd. School is over!! Oh yeah. We don't own this shit. Except the story line. Steal and we will kill you.

* * *

**Chapter 3**

**That Chap**

"Wake up!" Haruhi yelled, hitting a cow bell she got out of nowhere. She went over to Al's bed and started tickling him.

"Wah-ahahaha!"

"Wake up!" She jumped on Mikuru's bed and started ringing the cow bell in her ear.

"Wah"

"Get up Mikuru!" Haruhi then jumped on Tsuruya bed and jumped up and down. "Get up!"

"Haruhi!" Tsuruya fell off her bed and hit her head on the wooden floors.

"Come on you guys! Breakfast starts in ten minutes, and you're not even dressed!" She jumped off of Tsuruya's bed, and onto the floor, where she landed very stylishly. "Aren't you guy excited?"

"Megas." Tsuruya said, getting up, rubbing her head. "But you could have woken us up gently."

"No time!" Noticing Kyon's sister still asleep, she grabbed the tiny body and started shaking it violently.

"What are you doing?!" Mikuru yelled.

"Waking her up, duh!" By now Ringo had woken up from the commotion. Everyone in the cabin was out of bed, trying to stop Haruhi's forceful approach to waking up.

"What! What is it? Where am I? Kyon? Mommy?" Kyon's sister said, startled.

"Get...out...of...be-ack!" Al and Tsuruya were finally able to hold back Haruhi and pushed her back on her own bed. "What was that for?"

"For one thing," Al said, "Breakfast starts in an hour! Not 10 minutes! As for your wake up methods, tame them a bit, will ya?" He walked over to his bed, and flopped down on it.

"What a way to wake up..." Ringo said, sitting on her bed.

After a trip to the bathroom (since there was no boy's bathroom, Al used a bucket and a hose in the janitors closet), they went back to their cabin, got changed and arrived at breakfast just in time.

"Yay, breakfast!" Kyon's sister yelled, skipping into the noisy breakfast hall.

"Hey, Haruhi, I just spotted my friend. I'll see ya later?"

"Yeah."

"Alright. Bye guys!"

Kyon's sister smiled at Ringo, then became shocked, pointing behind Haruhi. "Oh my gosh! Look at the food!"

The group turned around and saw trays of colorful fresh fruit, warm, fluffy eggs, crisp beacon, cinnamon oatmeal and soft, golden pancakes. Next to the food, were jugs of fresh orange juice, cranberry juice, milk, coffee and tea. The seats in the room made you hungry, even if you weren't. Hell, I'm getting hungry just writing about it.

"Yes! Score!" Haruhi yelled. She, Kyon's sister, and Tsuruya ran to the end of the line, while Mikuru and Al followed.

"Hmm..let's see," Tsuruya said, studying each of the foods. "I'll get this pancake...No! It's not soft enough! How about...yes! This one."

"Wow! Look at this!" Kyon's sister said surveying the trays of sliced watermelon.

"No! Look at this! The eggs are perfectly salted!" Haruhi said, eating the eggs.

"Hey!"The serving lady said. "Don't pick off the eggs on the serving tray with your hands."

After they were done, "Alright! Let's go find a place to sit!" Haruhi's smile faded as she realized most of the tables were full. "Where should we sit?"

"Over there," Al said, pointing to a table in the far left corner of the room.

* * *

Kyon was feeling the pain of a hundred whips lashing on his back. He was being punished for peeing in the Sergeant's toilet. 

"That's what you get for putting gold on gold." Johnson said.

"Ok, ok," Kyon said in pain.

"Alright now," Johnson said. "If you excuse me, I'm going to get into bed with a fine looking women."

Kyon walked away to the mess hall. When he got inside the mess hall, he saw Itsuki and Yuki eating breakfast. Itsuki was eating bear soup. Kyon looked to see Yuki eating a large pancake platter, with fruits and syrup, while a French butler was playing the violin.

"How did Yuki get that?" Kyon asked.

"Have no idea." Itsuki said.

Suddenly a boy with glasses and funky red hair wearing a green jacket turned his head to Itsuki.

"Itsuki?" He said.

"Kousuke! My man!"

Suddenly, they both engaged in some weird dance.

"Ah Kousuke!" Itsuki said. " How long has it been old pal?"

"To long you sassy devil." Kousuke said.

"You. Crab. Apple." Itsuki replied.

"You little Horseshoe crab." Kousuke said.

"Ah, I'd pinch you with my claws if I had any." Itsuki said when a pair of crab claws emerged from his sleeves.

Kousuke turned to look at Kyon.

"Who's this guy?"

"Hmm, lets see. Your name..." Itsuki said. "Is it Kyle? Kim? Kenny? Kiss ass?"

"No Itsuki, that would be you." Kyon said.

"What?" Itsuki asked.

"Uh, the name's Kyon." Kyon said as a cheap cover up.

Kousuke and Itsuki stared at Kyon for five seconds before engaging in conversation again.

"So," Itsuki said. "I heard your hunting Ayumu now."

"Yeah, it's a great gig, and you would not believe the car Eyes bought me."

"Not a La Baron." Itsuki said.

"A La Baron!" Kosuke shouted.

They started to dance again.

Kyon went out for some air, which were actually gas fumes.

After lunch, they had to learn how to dive a car. Kyon went back to met up with Itsuki and walked to the parking lot. There he saw a lot of green jeep vehicles with turrents mounted on the back and a passenger seat.

"Alright marines, today you will learn basic driving with these Warthog's over here."

"Don't we need a licence?" Kyon asked.

"You don't need one," Johnson said. "Now I'll teach you how to drive one of these here LRV's. Alright, now first, get a partner and get inside the vehicle."

Kunikida was Kyon's partner, while Itsuki was with Taniguchi.

"So, who's driving?" Kunikida asked.

"I'll drive." Kyon said."I'm not risking death here."

"Come on! Why are you so mean to me?!"

"Alright, geez, you can drive!"

On the driving lanes, Kunikida and Kyon went to a vehicle. Kunkida was in the drivers seat, while Kyon sat beside him. He checked for the seatbelts, but couldn't find any.

"Uh...where are the seat belts?" Kyon asked Johnson.

"Don't need them," he said "Those are dead weights, and the other stuff was removed from these warthogs, too."

"Like?" Kyon asked.

"Breaks, air bags, and all thoses other non-important parts."

"Your kidding?"

"I'm always serious." Johnson said.

_I find that hard to believe,_ Kyon thought.

The loud sound of the roaring engines were driving Kyon insane. Kunikida was doing a fine job driving. Despite the constant mines that were on the road, he was doing ok. All of a sudden, Johnson's voice was heard over the radio.

"Alright marines, now the next step of driving: you have to get past a few bears on the road, and some other surprises."

Kunikida was swerving left and right just to avoid the bears. The guts of a few were on the front of the car. Just then, a giant fresh bear turd landed on the windshield. It blocked out all view, and with no breaks, Kunikida and Kyon crashed. Kyon dragged Kunikida out of there before it exploded.

* * *

They headed to the table and were about to set their trays down, when all of a sudden, 

"Hey! Goth, goth!"

The whipped their heads to the left to see four very odd-and slightly ugly-girls with different hair color and black dresses, wriggling their arms.

"Don't sit there!" One of the girls with blue hair said. "Loli, loli."

"Why not?" Haruhi asked, slamming her tray of the table, orange juice spilling everywhere.

"Because," The girl said with orange hair said. "This is our table. Goth."

"Your table?" Haruhi said, eye brows raised. "Says who?! I demand you to give me an answer!"

"And can you please stop wriggling your arms?" Al said. "It's kinda disturbing."

"No! Goth!" The girl with the pink hair replied. "And to answer the demanding girls question, it just is, ok!? Loli, loli!"

"Fine!" Haruhi said, grabbing her tray, and walking away. The others followed. "We'll sit somewhere else! We don't want to be associated with goth-loli posers anyway!"

"That was uncalled for..." The girl with blond hair said.

The walked along the other tables when Haruhi suddenly stopped, crashing the line behind her. "Mikuru!" she yelled, pointing to a table a few tables away.

"That..one's...for...you!" She grabbed Mikuru by her shirt collar, and threw her towards the table.

"Agh!" She flew towards the table, sliding on it's table top, not only ruining the food, but stopping face first in a girls chest. Mikuru looked up slowly.

"..Uh...hi? Where am I?" She looked around as best as she could (eggs were in her eyes) and noticed all the girls, like herself, had large...brestestes.

"Uh, who's this girl that just crashed through our table?" A girl with long black hair and half framed, half rimless, glasses asked.

"Look," whispered the girl who Mikuru crashed into. "I know how to handle these types of girls. One of my friends back at home is a lesbian, so I know how deal with her type." She turned back to Mikuru and said, loudly, "HI. MY NAME IS ORIHIME. I HAVE BIG BOOBS."

"She's not def," quietly commented a girl with long black hair, towering at 174 cm, and still growing.

"I told you Sakaki, I got this."

"I don't think she's a lesbian either," the girl with the glasses said.

"Looks like you fit in great!" Haruhi exclaimed. "See ya later, Mikuru!"

"NO! Please don't leave me!" Mikuru replied, as Haruhi and the rest walked away.

"Are you sure we should leave her there?" Al asked, sticking a finger over his shoulder, indicating Mikuru.

"Yeah. She'll be fine!" Haruhi craned her neck and looked at the other tables. After spotting one, she said, "I think I found one for Little Sis. Come on."

They walked three tables down and stopped where four cute little girls sat.

"Go ahead," Haruhi whispered, prodding Kyon's sister forward. "Go ask if you can sit with them."

Kyon's sister gave a little nervous smile, and asked, "Uh...can I sit with you guys?"

"Sure!" a girl with brown hair and pig tails said in a high cheery voice. The girl smiled. "My name's Chiyo. What's yours?"

Kyon's sister smiled. "My name is-"

"Bye Little Sis!" Haruhi said smiling. Kyon's sister waved at Haruhi, Al, and Tsuruya as they continued to find another table.

"Where are we supposed to sit?" Al asked, looking around.

"Look. Over there." Haruhi walked over to another table where 3 people sat, all staring at their trays of food, not saying anything. "Hello," she said. No one replied. A girl with bright blue hair looked up at her, but that was it.

Haruhi frowned, and examined the girls face very closely. "Hmm..." she pondered. She moved on to the next girl who had shoulder length dark brown hair and was wearing pink pajama's with bear ears on the hood. She looked at the girl at various angles, and then touched her hair, looking at it through a magnifying glass. She then focused her attention on the last girl who had long black hair, which was braided. Haruhi looked her up and down, then lifted her arm and expected it. The girl slowly looked to her right. "What are you doing?" Haruhi didn't answer, instead, looking at the girls shoes. Suddenly, a small antenna popped out of the girls head. "This girls aura. It is...different. Her waves...they're restless, yet somehow completely tamed."

"Yup. This is boring," Haruhi said, getting up from under the table. "We'll stick you here." She pointed to Al.

"What? Why?"

"Byeeeeeeee!" Haruhi said, skipping off with Tsuruya, arm in arm.

Al awkwardly sat down next to the girl with blue hair. "Uh...hi." She didn't look up from her tray. He looked to the girl with the pink pj's across from him, who was staring at a bowl of what looked like melted strawberry ice cream from the night before. "You gonna eat that?"

"Gah!" Haruhi said, looking over all the tables. "Ok, if we can't get a table, we'll have to take one by force!"

She walked over to the nearest table, and pulled the table cloth with a flourish, all the items on the table still standing in its original place.

"Wow." The tables inhabitants clapped, amazed.

"What I really meant to do was this," she then started shoving off all the trays and food on the table to the floor. The people slowly got up from the table, and walked away, heads hung low.

"There we go," Haruhi said, setting down her tray and sitting down.

"Uh, I have a question," Tsuruya asked.

"What is it?"

"Why did we have to separate from Al, Little Sis, and Mikuru when we could have just taken a table by force in the firsts place?"

"Because," Haruhi said sipping what was left in her orange juice. "This chapter is a filler. We need to fill up as much random space as possible."

"Works for me."

* * *

Kyon changed into a new set of clothes after the driving lesson. Kunikida was traumatized after the giant turd incident. He just kept twitching in the corner. Soon it was time for lunch. 

"Yay! Cupcakes!" Itsuki yelled as Johnson pushed in a cart full of cupcakes.

Kyon gave his cupcake away to someone, already knowing that something was going to come out of it.

"Just like the eclairs," Johnson said, "there's a surprise."

Suddenly lions came out of the cupcakes.

"A Lion!" Johnson yelled.

The lions were attack everyone except Kyon, because he was to boring. A lion was attacking a guy named Naruto, who was being torn limb from limb by the lion.

"Oh god!" He screamed. "How can a lion fit in there!? That's impossible!"

Suddenly, a lion came out of the other lion, and started to attack Naruto, as well.

"Ahhhhhhhh!"

Kyon and Itsuki were thankful to get out of that mess. The numbers in the camp dwindled from ten thousand, to five hundred. Some were killed the passing night by the creatures that hid within food items, or were exploded, eaten, or got "lost" in the woods. The food was horrible, and some of the camp members even resorted to canibalism.

Kyon and Itsuki looked in the corner to see Johnson flirting with Yuki. They both went closer to the scene.

"You know," Johnson noticed the two and said to Kyon, "Your friend here is the type of people I like having around."

"Please kill me." Yuki said.

"I never felt this sorry for Yuki before." Itsuki said.

"I'm just going to take your friend to my place for a drink." Johnson said as he dragged Yuki with him. "I'll be nude."

"This is really the kind of thing I would see happen to Yuki." Kyon said.

"So...what do you want to do now?" Itsuki asked Kyon.

"I'm heading back to the cabin," he said. "I'm bushed."

As they both walk down the trail to there cabin, Itsuki was playing a harmonica. He started a soft annoying tune. Kyon found it very familiar, as if it was some sort of theme song of some sort.

"What are you playing Itsuki?" Kyon asked.

"Your theme song," he said.

"My what?"

"Ha ha! You said booby!" Itsuki said.

"I didn't say booby!" Kyon protested.

"You did now!" Itsuki said "I can't wait tell the guys down at the Agency about this."

A thought bubble appeared out of Itsuki's mind. It showed him and three other of his agency buddies around a water cooler.

"You will not guess what Kyon said," the thought bubble Itsuki said.

"What did he said?" one of them asked eagerly.

"He...Said...Booby." Itsuki whispered.

"Your kidding."

"Not kidding."

"Really?"

"Really really"

"Hah, this Kyon chap sounds more like a peon!" The other guy laughed.

Then everyone in the thought bubble looked down at an angry Kyon.

"Who's this clown? Is he..." the guy said pointing. Itsuki nodded slowly.

There was a long pause until one of the other guys said to Itsuki, "I thought you said he was sexy."

Kyon popped the bubble."I hate you."

Later that day, Kyon was watching four hours of training videos as he was tied to a chair. He was failing his training in Shameless, so Johnson made him watch these video's to improve his focus, and get rid of his laziness. Kyon was finally released from watching. His eyes were blood shot, was drooling and was walking very slowly to his cabin.

He felt really tired as he reluctantly opened the door. Itsuki was playing some card game with Renton. He walked slowly to his bed.

"Hey Kyon!" Itsuki yelled to him."Where were you?"

Kyon ignored him and got into his bed. He was heavily asleep as he snored loudly.

Itsuki got up and started to the door, leaving Renton behind.

"Hey man! Where ya goin?!"

"You only have 3 life points life, and my Blue Eye White Dragon is gonna own your Mystical Elf. Give up." He walked out the door, leaving Renton alone. All of a sudden, his cards were glowing, and he heard a mysterious voice as there was a swirl of hieroglyphics.

"YU-GI-OH!

As Itsuki walked outside, he noticed something. For some reason, he kept hearing loud explosions coming from the other camp. He went to Shameless' only psychologist to get to the bottom of the conspiracy. He was even surprised there even was one.

The psychologist building was old, and rusty nails stuck out.The wood was decaying and lard was all around the place. He steped inside and saw a man with dark hair sitting behind a desk.

"Why hello there," he said in a formal manner. "My name is Shigure Sohma, and who might you be."

"Uhhhh..Itsuki Koizumi."

"Well then, step into my office." Shigure led Itsuki inside a cramped room. On one side on the wall, there was a collage of pictures of naked women.

"Are these your friends?" Itsuki asked as he eyed the pictures.

"Sometimes," Shigure answered.

"Where are there clothes?"

"Uhhh...that's not important." Shigure said. "So Itsuki, why have you come to my lovely aboded?"

Itsuki looked at the leaking ceiling."Well, it's the other camp," he said."I mean there's got to be something going on there."

"What makes you think so?" Shigure asked.

"There's smoke coming from that camp and I always hear explosions there. And one time, I once swear that I saw a giant red robot bursting into the sky!"

"Red you say? Well maybe it's nothing at all."

"Well I'm getting to the bottom of this." Itsuki said.

_Well, we can't have you find out can we?_ Shigure thought.

"Look over there." Shigure told Itsuki.

Itsuki looked the other way. "I don't see anything." Just then, Shigure took out a bat and whacked Itsuki's head. Itsuki's body dropped unconscious. Shigure dragged his body out of his office. He put his body on his cabin doorstep. He knocked on the door and ran as a dazed Renton opened the door.

"Oh my god! Itsuki!"

* * *

Breakfast and their first class was now over, and Haruhi, Little Sis, and Mikuru went to their second class- Basic Gun Training, or BGT, while Al and Tsuruya were going to cooking class. As they walked into the dark room in the "Hands On" hallway, they saw a lady with long blonde hair in a bun standing behind a table with 20 or so guns laid out on top of it. Next to the table, on the floor below, was a long red line. The lady had a stern expression, and waited patiently until everyone was settled down into chairs. When this was done, 

"Hello ladies. My name is Riza Hawkeye." Her voice was firm and she stood straight and formal. "I once worked in the military a long long time ago. I know what I'm going, so you gotta trust me. Today we're going to practice shooting moving targets." She pointed passed the red line where a dummy connected to a track stood 20 or so feet away. On the dummy's face was a picture of a man, and if you looked closely, it said on the bottom: 'You. Me. Dinner tomorrow night. Love, Johnson.' "Now, before I give you your guns, is there any questions?" No one raised their hand. "Alright. Get in line. When you get your weapon, stand along side the red line, and wait for further instructions."

The girls assembled into a neat line, with Haruhi the fourth person from the front. When it was her turn, she held out her eagar hands and received...a Nerf gun.

"What the hell is this?!"

"A Nerf gun."

"I know that! But why do I get a pansy weapon and everyone gets those cool ones with the magnifying thingy on the top?"

"First off, it's called a battle rifle. Second, because in the file I have received from Misato, you have been deemed hazardous."

"No way!"

"Yes way," Riza pulled out a folder from behind her back, opened it and showed Haruhi. "See?"

Haruhi stared at it for the longest time, and then pouted. "Fine." She stood along the red line, and crossed her arms.

When everyone had received their weapons and lined up, Riza began her instructions. "Alright, I'm gonna start up the dummy." She flipped a switch on the wall next to her, and the dummy started to move quickly along the track. "Ok, you got to keep your eyes straight down the gun, on the target, fingers on your triggers, and make sure you're shooting straight forward. We don't want anyone to die today."

The girls then proceeded to shoot as the dummy came their way. It passed by Haruhi three times, and she missed every time. Frustrated she said, "Forget this!" and turned to Mikuru. She started to shoot at her boobs.

"Ahh! Please!" Mikuru said.

"Please! Don't do that!" Riza said, rushing over to Haruhi.

"Oh come on! They're so boucny! Anything can be deflected with these," Haruhi said, continuing to shoot.

"Ahhhh!" Mikuru screamed.

Riza was able to grab onto Haruhi and pull her back.

"Damn. I'm getting pulled back a lot today! First this morning, now this!"

Riza sighed. "Misato was right.."

* * *

Itsuki suddenly found himself in La La Land. He looked around and all he saw beyond him was white all over. It stretched out for miles and seemed to never end. Itsuki heard a weird sound and turned around to see a large, orange, cartoonish cat, that had stick-like arms, stood on it's hind legs, pointed ears, and very large creepy eyes. 

"Hello Itsuki," the cat said in a booming masculine voice.

"W-who are you?" Itsuki asked startled.

"I'm your inner voice. Chiyo-chichi."

"My inner voice?" Itsuki asked.

"That is correct."

"So...what do you want?"

"I just want to talk. I hope my daughter is having fun at her camp. She really isn't suppose to be there. She just failed her class on purpose just to be with her friends.

"Wait. Did you say failed? Is this camp some kind of summer school?" Itsuki asked. _Is that camp Haruhi's camp?_

"Yeeesss. Whhhyyyyy do you aaaaasssk?"

"Do you know what's going on there?"

"Well, let me take you on a magical journey of mystical wonder!" It told him.

Suddenly Itsuki was lifted in the air, and was flying with his Chiyo-chichi. He flew out of La La Land. Itsuki closed his eyes as he went out. When he opened his eyes, he looked around to see he was inside the cabin. He saw a sleeping Kyon and...his own body.

"What the?"

"Follow me!" Chiyo-chichi said.

He and Itsuki flew out of the cabin and into the sky. They were headed to the camp Haruhi and the rest were in. He and Chiyo-chichi submerged into the ground in Sunflower. What Itsuki saw dazzled him. There was technological mystery and wonder. He looked around and saw a ton of girls making bombs, fighting in giant robots, and some were even cooking.

"I knew something was going on here!" Itsuki said.

"Hey! There's my daughter!"

"That one?" Itsuki asked, pointing to a deer.

"No! That one!" Chiyo-chichi said, pointing to a young girl with pig tails.

"Hey! There's Haruhi!" Itsuki said pointing to the infamous girl who was shooting Mikuru's boobs with a Nerf gun.

"Please! Don't do that!" A lady said with blonde hair.

"Oh come on! They're so bouncy! Anything can be deflected with these."

"Ahhhh!" Mikuru screamed.

"Well she hasn't changed," Itsuki remarked.

Chiyo-chichi looked at him."It's only been one day. Oh! Look at the time!" He said looking at his wrist. "It's time to go!"

"Wait, you don't have a watch."

"I know I don't have one. Are you saying I have one? Do YOU have one!?"

"No! No!" Itsuki said in his defense.

"Ok then, but one thing! If Johnson finds out about what you saw, he will surely kill you! Well, this is your problem now. Bye!" Chiyo-chichi said as rockets opened up on the bottom of his bare feet, and flew off, leaving Itsuki alone in La La Land.

As Itsuki watched him fly away, he said, "This is some serious Harry Potter."

Then out of know where, Spider Man came in.

"Am I too late for the inner voice job?" He asked.

"Uh..yeah, the talking Elephant already took it." Itsuki said.

"Ah damn it!" Spider Man said as he swung away.

"Itsuki?" Said a familiar voice.

Itsuki all of a sudden found himself in hi bed with Kyon shaking him awake.

"Kyon! Did you know that...Paris Hilton's in jail for 48 days?"

"Yeah, they just announced it over the inner com."

"Oh, but did you also know that the other camp is an underground secret training facility?"

"Yeah," Kyon said.

"Wait, how did you know?" Itsuki asked.

"Some inside source told me. I think her name was Croissant Mask, or something like that."

"Look! We have to get out of here!" Itsuki said

"Why?" Kyon asked.

"Because Johnson's going to kill me if he finds out I know about Sunflower!"

"Wait! First you have to have a plan! And second, it's just you that Johnson that will kill, not me!"

"Hey, but don't you know also?"

"Well...ok, you got me!"

"Then are you going to help me get out of here?"

"Alright, fine." Kyon agreed.

"Can I come?" A monotone voice asked.

Kyon yelled and Itsuki jumped into Kyon arms and saw Yuki, eating a red apple behind them.

"Oh, it's you Yuki. Didn't you go with Johnson a few minutes ago?" Kyon asked. He looked at Itsuki and wondered why he still was in his arms. "Will you get off of me!"

"Sorry," Itsuki said.

"So you want to come with us?" Kyon asked.

"Yes," Yuki replied.

"But why?" Itsuki asked. "You have it easy here. Johnson gives you a lot of stuff, despite the whole...thing."

"He does things to me at night." Yuki said.

"Well, yeah?" Itsuki asked. "We're all in the same cabin though. We would have noticed."

"At night, when you're all asleep, he goes through the window."

"No wonder there's a trail of peanut butter and jelly on the floor!" Itsuki said.

"Ok, you can come, but what about Taniguchi and Kunikida?" Kyon asked

"Alright, alright."

"We should plan this out, and tell the others." Kyon said. "Besides, this whole escape sounds like a suicide mission. I would like to prepare for any inconceivable things."

* * *

It was the last class of the day, and it was yet another class Haruhi, Mikuru, Tsuruya, Al, and Kyon's little sis had together. Located in the Prep Hall, they entered into their Enemy Manipulation class, which was taught by Miss. Yukari Tanazaki. They sat themselves in their seats and waited for their teacher. About 10 minutes later, Yukari stomped towards the front of the room to her podium. "Hello class," she said loudly. "Please open your book to page 21!" She pulled a green textbook out from behind the podium, and slammed it on the top. Startled, the kids slowly pulled their textbooks that lay in front of them. "Ok!" Yukari said, angry. "So, what dumb class is this again? Oh yeah. Enemy manipulation! It's fun and easy, yadda yadda yadda..." Yukari sounded as if she had just been forced to pay for 100 bowls of ramen that weren't hers. She groaned and set her head back on the podium. Doing so, a pencil cup fell to the white floors with a clanck, spilling all the pencils. "GAHHH!!!" Yukari yelled, and started to pound her fist on the podium. 

The students looked confused, and scared. Kyon's little sister slowly raised her hand and asked kindly, "Uh...are you ok Miss. Yukari?"

"No!" Another student jumped and crashed into Kyon's sister and yelled, "Leave her alone! You'll unleash the beast!"

"But I-" Kyon's sister said from under the girl.

"No! I told you! You'll unleash the beast! Trust me! I know! I've had Miss. Yukari as my homeroom teacher for 2 years already!"

"Tomo, get off of the girl!" Sakaki said.

"I was just trying to be-"

"AM I OK?" Yukari yelled. "AM I OK?!?!?!" Suddenly the room grew dark. The ground began to shake, and flames shot from the ground. Al's hair caught fire and Tsuruya had to put it out with the textbook. "OF COURSE I'M NOT OK! I JUST LOST A BET! I CAN'T BE OK! NOW I OWN NYAMO MONEY THAT I DON'T EVEN HAVE! GOD! WHY DID I EVEN BET ON THAT STUPID ZEBRA! EVERYONE KNOWS IT CAN'T OUT RUN A LION!" Yukari started sobbing again. "Why me?!?!"

"It's ok Yukari," Tomo said, walking over to her and putting her arm around her.

"You get away from me!" Yukari said, still sobbing. "You were the one who told me to bet on it!"

"Yeah, but you already know better than to listen to me," Tomo said cheerfully.

Yukari sat on the floor for a few more minutes, crying and blowing her nose on her shirt. After she was done, she straightened up and said, "Ok. Seeing as we only have a half an hour left of class, lets play charades." They spent the rest of class getting into teams of two and playing charades. It was quite a fierce game, as Mikuru just couldn't get that Haruhi was trying to be a mailbox in the last round, causing an uproar. Just before class ended, team Uotani and Honda won, and Yukari made an announcement to the class.

"I almost forgot to tell you guys. Sunflower and the boy's camp Shameless usually hold a masked ball." At this the room was filled with excited whispers.

"What the hell is everyone getting so excited for?" Haruhi asked.

"The ball is tomorrow at 9:00," Yukari continued, as the bell rang. "Your first class teacher will take you out shopping or whatever to buy your masks and stuff. Now get out of the way. It's dinner and I'm hungry. They're gonna run out of ham if I don't hurry!" Yukari ran out the door, as the rest of the class slowly left.

"Man, I can't wait for tomorrow!" Tsuruya said, excited.

"Why?" Haruhi asked. "I don't like dances. They're so annoying. I hate it when someone asks you to dance and you totally don't want to."

* * *

At the mess hall in Shameless, everyone sat down as Johnson was prepared to make a big announcement. 

"Tomorrow, you marines are going to behave like proper gentlemen, because were holding the 6,66...1st, masked ball with the girls from Sunflower."

_A ball_, Kyon thought, _this is going to be boring._

"All of you have to attend, and for those who are wimps around girls, well suck it up, and get ready to dance you pasty bastards!"

"But I have a problem!" Renton screamed.

"What the hell is it?" Johnson asked.

"I have girlfriend back home-"

"I don't care you bastard!" Johnson said as he slapped Renton hard.

"Owww!"

In Kyon's mind, Itsuki escape plan still kept running. Kunikida and Taniguchi were persuaded to come with them, and Yuki was willing to go. Kyon wondered why he decided to come, but still, staying here was far worst then death. Kyon wasn't paying the least attention on what Johnson was saying.

"...and one more thing," Shigure said, popping out of the corner. "Don't forget to vote for dance King and Queen!"

"Where did you come from!?" Johnson asked, surprised.

"Maybe we'll see Haruhi there," Itsuki told Kyon, who wasn't paying attention at all.

"Huh? Oh...yeah." Kyon said.

"Is something the matter?" Itsuki asked.

"Well, how are you going to make this work?" Kyon asked.

Itsuki whispered into Kyon's ear.

"That is crazy."

"Don't worry, it will work."

* * *

What do you think? What's Itsuki's plan? What's gonna happen at the dance? You'll have to wait. Except, not as long as last time. We swear. Oh, and three words: GIANT HAIR DRYER. 

For those who are a little bit lost as to where we got our character's from in all chapters-

LIST OF ANIMES WE PULLED CHARACTERS FROM:

-Fruits Basket  
-Negima  
-Pani Poni Dash  
-Serial Experiments Lain  
-Azumanga Diaoh  
-Yamato Nadeshiko  
-Spiral  
-Bleach  
-Naruto  
-FLCL  
-Air Gear  
-Full Metal Alchemist  
-Neon Genesis Evangelion  
-Noein

I think that's it, but if you notice a charcter from an anime we didn't mention on the list, please tell us! I also believe someone asked about why Yuki eats a red apple? Well in one of the stories-_Editior in Cheif, Straight Ahead! - _in the novel, there is a picture of Yuki as Snow White, and the picture just sort of stuck with me :)


	5. Closet Climax

**Hello guys!** No excuses this time...cept for our computer was broken...anyway, here's the next chapter. We're so sorry it took forever. By far, this was the funnest chapter to write..._by far_ Thanks for reading and sticking with us and our horrible update flow!

**DISCLAIMER:** SHNC be my master...

* * *

**Chapter 4**

**Closet Climax**

Using the money they brought from home (it was on the "what to bring" list they had received), they entered into the 109 shopping center to shop for their dresses. They had picked their masks earlier, and the teacher for their first class of the day-Rukia Kuchiki of Cartography-rode with them on one of the four buses.

"Alright," Rukia said as they filed out of the bus. "It's now 10:57. We will meet back at the buses at 1:00. Got it?" The girls mumbled a 'yes', as they impaciently waited for their release. "Ok, you may go."

As if some sort of race, the girls burst through the doors of the shopping center, and started raiding the stores. The only two girls who didn't run like maniacs were Haruhi and Tsuruya. And Al, who was ahead of them,. but he was a guy, so he didn't count. Haruhi's arm's were crossed, with her usual scowl on her face.

"Whats wrong, Haruhi?" Tsuruya asked as they entered the mall. As if hit by a tornado, shoppers were on the ground, shopping bags everywhere. Those girls were vicious. They got on the escalator and saw the storm had already reached the second floor. "Arn't you excited about shoping?"

"Oh, I'm excited." She said as looked at a display window for one of the shops. "I just don't like dances. The only way I'd go is if there was a boy worth dancing with, or one that I'd like."

"But, it should be ok, right?" Tsuruya said, walking ahead into a colorful looking shop, "Kyon's going, right?"

Haruhi stood still. "Wh-what?" Good thing Tsuruya was ahead of her, or else Haruhi would have seen her grin. "I don't know what you're talking about!!" She followed Tsuruya into the shop. If you looked closely, you could see a faint blush come over Haruhi's pale skin.

* * *

Kyon roamed the grounds randomly as he was having a fantasy of Mikuru in a swimsuit,that showed her "dirty pillows".Unfortunately for Kyon,his far-out fantasy was short lived,thanks to a loud crash in the mess hall . Kyon went to inspect the crash,he found a gaping hole in the mess hall roof. Inside,debris and and the crushed corpses of some camp members were littering the center of the mess hall.As Kyon examined the wreckege. 

_What the hell..._ Kyon thought.

Two people suddenly rose from with the debris. One was Itsuki, and the other was a guy who looked a bit like Itsuki, a delinquent, slick womanizing bastard. "What was that?!"Kyon angrily asked Itsuki.

"Well, Asaba and I were trying to do this stunt." Itsuki said.

"Who's Asaba?" Kyon asked.

"Me," said the other guy emerging from the rubble with a smile on his face.

Kyon soon learned that Asaba was a smooth talking ladies' man, with hair much like Itsuki's in that it was slightly long, and in his face, except that his hair was a lighter brown color. He was funny in a way, becuase he was sort a little dense, and he was always cheery somehow. When Kyon thought about it, he thought that they were perfect friends. _I WONDER WHY ITSUKI HADN'T MET THE GUY SOONER._

"What kind of stunt were you doing anyway?" Kyon asked.

"We were trying to jump over the mess hall,and,we crashed into the roof.."

"You idiots!"

"But you have to admit,"Asaba said,"we have style."

"Aren't you suppose to be decorating the mess hall?"Kyon asked.

"Will do that later." Itsuki said."Besides,do you even have a mask yet?"

"A mask?"

"Well technically it is a masked ball."

"What about you?"

"I already have one."Itsuki said as he got out his mask and put it on.

Kyon was disgusted by the mask Itsuki was wearing.It was the face of a creepy man with a brown mustache, a crown and creepy eyes and a haunting smile.

"What is that!?" Kyon yelled at Itsuki.

"Hello?It's the all mighty Burger King mask!"Itsuki said in front of Kyon's face.

"I hate Burger King!" Kyon said.

Some were in an uncharted location,The King had a tear running down his eyes.

"Well,that's your opinion." Itsuki said."Oh yeah, have a spare mask for you."Itsuki said as he threw a mask to Kyon.

Kyon caught the mask, his expression a blank one. In Kyon's hands was a ski mask...with no eye holes.

"What is this?"

"It's the only mask that was left." Itsuki said.

"Just go and decorate the place already!" Kyon shouted to Itsuki and Asasba.

They both crawled out of the wreckage and began to leave the mess hall.In truth,Kyon wasn't working himself.The crappy dance that was being held here in the Shameless mess hall would probably suck; the decorations were terrible, the food they were going to serve had worms and rabies, and now Itsuki and Asaba made a giant gaping whole in the roof. _Lets hope it doesn't rain_, Kyon thought.

* * *

Haruhi's interest in finding a dress was, well, if she cared any less, it would go into the negatives. She lazily looked around, and carelessly sifted through the rack of colorful-and often hideous-dresses, many that were not like her at all. She picked up a dark purple floor length dress when someone called out: 

"Hey! Haruhi!"

She turned around to see who called her name. It was Tsuruya, holding up a dark green strapless dress with rather large ruffles. It almost seem like it could eat her alive.

"Do you like this one?"

"Are you stupid?" She said, pointing at her."That dress is scary! Here! Try this one." She tossed the dark purple dress in her hands to Tsuruya. She caught it before it hit the floor.

"This one?" She asked, holding it up. "I don't know..."

"Look. Just try it, ok?"

Tsuruya shrugged and went into the dressing room. A few minutes later, she came out with the dress on.

"Holy crap!"

"What?!?!"

"It looks-It looks-"

"Like crap?!?!"

Haruhi responded by jumping on her, and petting her on the head. "So cute."

"Huh?" Tsuruya asked, confused.

"You look so cute." She got off her, and then inspected her, up and down. "That's it. You're buying that one."

"There's one problem."

"What?"

"The price." She showed Haruhi the tag.

"Dear god!"

"I know!"

"Ok," Haruhi said, pacing back and forth. "I got it!" She pulled out her cellphone, pressed a number and said, "Hello? Mikuru?"

* * *

After an hour,Kyon was about done cleaning up the bathrooms.Johnson was going to make the boys bathroom a girls bathroom.But Johnson didin't even bother to think about the boys.After crawling out of that rotting pit,Kyon went back to the mess hall to see if everything was ready.About a few later,Kyon went inside to find the hole in the roof was still there.In the corner of the room,Itsuki was handing out cheap masks to the other campers.Even one camper had a paper bag for a mask. 

"Yo,Kyon!"Itsuki yelled across the room. "How was cleaning duty?"

"I don't want to talk about it."Kyon said.

"Well,suit yourself."Itsuki said."Even with all the working,it's kind of quiet around here when Johnson's not here."

"Wait,where did he go?"Kyon asked.

"Oh yeah,he went back to the future."

"The future?"

"Just for a while,he had some women troubles."Itsuki said.

"When is getting back?"

"He'll be back before the ball."Itsuki said."You should also get ready for the you know what."

"I guess I should try to take a rest.At least before Johnson comes back." Kyon said.

"You do that." Itsuki said."As for me, I'm going to hit the town with Asaba."

"Okay then,just be-wait,what!?"Kyon said in surprise.

"Don't worry.'Itsuki said.Me and Asaba we'll be most "discreet" about it."Itsuki said as he started out the door.

As Kyon and Itsuki went there seperate ways,Kyon went back to his cabin.He was walking by a large shed when he heard a bumping sound inside.He put his ears close to the shed wall.

"I don't think you can fit that in here."said a voice that sounded like Yuki.

" Come on,"an other voice that sounded like Taniguchi."It just about the right size."

"If it dosen't fit, it'll be no good."Yuki said.

"So what you're saying is I'm no good?"Taniguchi said, outraged.

"No, you're doing fine, it's just-"

Kyon busted in the shed in rage.

"Taniguchi! No more naughty naughty for yo-"

* * *

"I-I don't want to do this!" 

"Oh come on, Mikuru!" Haruhi said, trying to pull Mikuru from the bathroom stall. "It's for the sake of Tsuruya's dress!"

"Yeahs! Come on, nyoro!"

"Uh..uh..but-NO!"

Haruhi had succeded to pull her out of the stall. There stood Mikuru in a two piece orange bikini that was probably one size smaller than she was. A lady standing by a mirror just stared at her and then walked out of the bathroom slowly.

"Alright, lets go!" Haruhi yelled, one hand grasped around Mikuru's arm, and the hand in the air.

"Please! No!"

Haruhi, dragging Mikuru beside her, and Tsuruya bouncing behind them, led them back to the dress shop. Now, you must be wondering: "What the hell is going on?" Well, here's the story: As you know, Tsuruya's dress was waaaay out of her price range, but since both she and Haruhi wanted it, Haruhi developed a plan in order to get it cheaper. The plan was to get Mikuru into a bathing suit, and show her off to the dress store manager, hoping to persuade the store owner to give them a discount.

Haruhi, Mikuru, and Tsuruya walked into the store (or rather Mikuru was dragged) as Haruhi yelled to the lady at the counter, "GIVE ME YOUR MANAGER! I MUST SPEAK TO HIM!"

The lady, a little shocked, nodded her head quickly, and disappeared behind a door. A few minutes later, a man with short, light brown hair, pierced ears and a polite smile walked through the door with a clipboard in hand. "Hello. May I help you?"

"Yes!"Haruhi said, shoving Mikuru in front of her. "You see, there is this dress, and we were kind of wondering if you could give us a discount."

" Which dress was it?"

"That purple one overe there!" She said, pointing to the dress on the nearby rack.

"Oh, I'm sorry, but that dress is a new arrival, and I can't give a discount just yet."

"Aw, but-"Haruhi said, shoving Mikuru closer towards the counter."We-no, SHE, would appreciate it very much."

Mikuru tried to cover herself up with her arms as Haruhi whispered fiercely, "Say you'd appreciate it!"

"Uh...I would app-appreciate it." She quivered.

The man cocked his head to the side, looking a bit confused. "I'm sorry, but I can't."

"Oh come on!" Haruhi said, pushing Mikuru violently forward. "This hot girl wants a discount, and you won't even say yes! What's wrong with you!"

"Nothing, I-"

"I mean, what kind of guy are you! I thought guys like boobs, and Mikuru's fills up the cup size for the show!"

"But I-"

"Seriously. You must be gay. Usually guys fall for Mikuru's-"

"I'M A GIRL!" The manager yelled, putting down her clipboard violently. "Jeez woman. Using this woman's breasts to bribe someone! How despicable." She shook her head slowly. "Young women these days," she muttered.

"So..."Haruhi said slowly. "Can we get the discount?"

The lady sweat-dropped and said,"Fine. Whatever. Just please...leave me alone."

A few minutes later, a happy Haruhi, and bouncing Tsuruya, and a embarassed Mikuru walked out of the store...with the dress in Tsuruya's hands.

* * *

Just a few seconds ago,Kyon busted into what he thought was a dirty session going on with Yuki and Taniguchi.What he saw was worse. 

"What the hell?!"Kyon said.

Yuki was bending over with Taniguchi closely behind her.They both whipped their heads towards Kyon.Yuki stood up straight and Taniguchi backed away quickly.

"I can explain!"he yelled.

"Oh you better."Kyon said in a threating tone.

"Look,Johnson just asked me and Yuki to clean out this shed !"Taniguchi explained

"Wait,so your not..."

"I can't believe you would think something like that!"

"What are you doing here anyway?" Taniguchi asked."Aren't you suppose be decorating the mess hall?"

"I'm finished with that,for now,I'm just killing time."

"Well you have a lot of time left."Taniguchi said." I guess I should get back to work."

"Ahem." Yuki said.

"Oh Yuki."Taniguchi said."My deepest apologies,I almost forgot you were here."

_Don't be acting like a gentleman. That won't win girls over, especially Nagato, _Kyon thought.

"Well,see you at the dance."Taniguchi said.

"See ya."Kyon said.

As Kyon reached his cabin,he got the ski mask Itsuki gave him,and cut the eye holes to pass the time.He put it on and went to to look in the mirror.

_God,I look like some kind of child molester_,Kyon thought.

* * *

"All right," Haruhi said to Mikuru, searching the racks at another store. "What kind of dress do you want to get?" 

By now, Mikuru had changed out of her bathing suit, and they were on the quest to find her dress. "Uh..well, something not too low cut, or short-"

"What are you talking about?!?!" Haruhi said, "Of course it needs to be low cut and short! You need to show off your assets!!"

"But I don't-"

"Aha!" Haruhi yelled, alarming the other customers. "I found it!" She pulled out a pale pink, strapless dress that looked like a pillow case.

"I don't think I can wear this," Mikuru said, slowly taking the dress.

"Why not?" Haruhi asked puzzled.

"Because we're in a lingerie store. This is lingerie."

"Oh fine," Haruhi said, throwing aside the dress, and storming out of the store. "Lets try another store. Where is Al and Little Sis anyway?"

"Well, I was with them before you called, and they were headed towards the arcade, so-"

"So the arcade it is!" Haruhi said, marching on.

"But," Mikuru said, "It's already 11:48. We only have-"

"Relax Mikuru," Tsuruya said with a smile. "We'll find your dress. Don't worry."

"Well, ok." she said with a smile, and followed Haruhi who was already a few feet away from them.

* * *

Kyon awoke in his poorly built bunk bed.It was dark, inside and no one was in the cabin.Kyon turned on the fluorescent lighting and looked at the clock hanging on the wall.It was only 11:48 am.Kyon was debating on whether to go back to sleep.All of a sudden,as Kyon turned around,a mysterious dark figure was behind him.Kyon gasped.After a few seconds,he found out is was only Yuki. 

"Nagato!"Kyon said startled."Don't do that again."

"Sorry." Yuki said nonchalantly.

"That's alright."Kyon said."Any way,Weren't you helping Taniguchi?"

"Earlier this morning,Johnson has asked me personally to give this to you"Yuki said,handing a small bundled package.

"Oh,thanks." Kyon said."What is it?"

"Your uniform for the ball."

"Uniform?"Kyon asked.

Kyon opened the small package,and unfolded it into a black and grey camoflauge suit with a black vest.A small insignia had the letters ODST on it.

"Well,"Kyon said."it's very...uh...so,what about you?"

"Johnson told me that he will give me a special kind of attire."Yuki said.

_Oh great, _Kyon thought.

"I need to get back to my duties."Yuki said.

"Yeah, right.Thanks again."Kyon said.

Yuki nodded as she went out the door.

* * *

"I see thems." Tsuruya said, pointing towards the far end of the arcade, where a large crowd of on lookers were watching something. "I can barely make out Al's head!" 

They reached the crowd, and were able to push through to find Al.

"What's going on?" Haruhi asked when she finally reached him. She saw that Little Sis was playing DDR against a man who looked easily 20 or so years older than her, with black hair that had some weird silver clip things, and a stern, very concentrated expression.

"Well-"

"Wow! That guy is megas fast!" Tsuruya yelled.

"That's exactly it." Al said, rubbing her forehead. He then recapped the scene to the rest of them: They had just bought Al's new clothes when Little Sis had asked him to take her to the arcade for a little while. Thinking it wasn't going to take that long, he agreed. When they got there, a crowd had already formed around the previous DDR players.

"Take that!" The guy Little Sis was taking on said to a little boy who was crying on the floor. "I, Byakuya Kuchiki, Flash Step Master, have beaten another at DDR! No one can beat me!"

Al had then noticed Little Sis, who was glaring at the man. She then stomped over to him and said, "Listen, mister! I am-"

A man who lost a nearby game had yelled in rage.

"-and I'm the best 10 year old DDR player around. I'm going to take you down!"

Al had sweat-dropped. "Little Sis," he began. "I don't-"

"No!" She yelled in his face, and stepped on the platform. "Bring it on, _old man_."

"And now they've been playing for about 35 minutes."

"That long?" Haruhi asked.

"There's a 35 minute song?" Mikuru asked.

"No. The guy rigged the machine or something so it ends whenever one of them stops first." Al said.

"Whatever," Haruhi said as she waved her hand. "How's she holding up?"

"She looks like she's getting a little tired." Tsuruya said.

"I told her to just end it about 6 minutes ago, but she just yelled at me, saying she couldn't give up."

"We're running out of time," Mikuru said, looking at a near by clock. "Is there no way we can get her to stop?"

"She said that by the honor of the 10 year old DDR club, she must defeat him." Al shrugged.

"I guess there's nothing we can do then." Haruhi said, folding her arms. "If it's for the honor of 10 year old DDR club-"

"BROTHER!" A girl yelled from behind them. Everyone turned around to see Rukia Kuchiki, stomping towards them, yellow dress in hand.

"Rukia!" Byakuya said, surprised, and fell from the platform. At this, the screen flashed GAME OVER! and Little Sis jumped up and down.

"Yay! I won! I won!"

"Good job Little Sis!" Haruhi yelled, picking her up and swinging her back and forth, violently.

"Ah! Put me down, please!"

"Good job, Little Sis!" Tsuruya said, giving her a thumbs up.

"Look! I'm sorry Ru-"

"No,

I'm sorry Rukia'! I told you to stop challenging little kids! You know they have no chance against you!" Everyone turned away from Little Sis just in time to see Byakuya being dragged away by Rukia. "I know you can't beat Yoruichi, but this is no way to get your fill!"

"Ah man..."Byakuya said, and he and his sister dissapeared around the corner.

The crowd started to disperse, as Haruhi and Co. continued to congratulate Little Sis. Al looked back at the clock and saw that it was already 12:04.

"You guys, I think we should get a move on. It's 12:04 and we only have an hour or so left." He looked at Haruhi, and Mikuru, noticing they had no dresses. "You guys don't have dresses, yet?"

"No," Haruhi said, "We had to do something for Tsuruya's dress." She then turned to Tsuruya and winked at her. Tsuruya smiled, and did the same.

"I don't even want to know," Al said. "But now we don't have much time."

"How about if we split up?" Tsuruya added.

"Yeah! Let's do that!" Haruhi said to Al. She pointed to herself and then to Little Sis. "I'll take Mikuru, while you," she said, pointing to Al, "take Little Sis and Tsuruya."

"Well, I dunno if that's a good idea..." In image popped up in Al's head of Mikuru wearing a slutty dress Haruhi forced her to buy. He shook his head violently to rid himself of the image. He felt slightly dirty. "Lets all just stick together."

"Whatever," Haruhi said, walking ahead, the rest, following in her wake.

* * *

Kyon was sitting down in the mess hall as he watched Taniguchi and Kunikida labor away at cleaning duty.Kyon was wondering why the hole wasn't fixed yet,and why Itsuki wasn't back yet. 

Unknown to Kyon,his questions would be answered,well..the second one anyway.A loud crash was heard outside.Kyon and everyone else went outside to investigate.A huge dropship was in flames right outside the mess hall.Two People were seen coming out of the fire.It was Itsuki and Asaba.People were cheering for them both,but mostly Itsuki.

"What just happened?" Kyon asked confused.

"Well Asaba had a problem with the controls,and we sort of crashed." Itsuki said with his trademark smile on his face.

"So how was your little trip?"Kyon asked.

"Nothing Interesting." Itsuki said."Anyway, I have something very interesting to tell you."

"What is it?" Kyon asked.

"I think it would be better to talk some place private." Itsuki said.

A few minutes later...

"You call this private?" Kyon asked.

"It's the only place I can think of." Itsuki said.

"The only place you can think of was a closet?"

"It doesn't matter." Itsuki said. "Now don't you want to hear what I had to say or not?"

"Fine, just tell me."

"Earlier this morning, I had Yuki hack into Johnson's Data files." Itsuki said. "And I found out that SHAMELESS isn't you ordinary camp."

"Of course this isn't an ordinary camp," Kyon said. "This place is a death trap."

"Besides that," Itsuki said. "I learned that SHAMELESS isn't funded by the UNSC anymore."

"Ok, so?" Kyon asked.

"SHAMELESS was opened by Johnson to train young men into marines. SUNFLOWER was just a branch for women." Itsuki said. "At first the UNSC funded all the vehicles, equipment, and guns SHAMELESS has to offer, but since people kept dying in SHAMELESS, they decided to cut the funds."

"You lost me," Kyon said.

"You see, how would SHAMELESS and SUNFLOWER keep running if there were no more funds?"

"I don't know," Kyon said.

"It turns out that Johnson had contacts." Itsuki said. "He's been getting illegal funds from other organizations."

"Others?"

"Two organizations are Nerv, and Seale." Itsuki said. "Others are The Order of the Phoenix, VFD, The CIS, George Bush, Red Shield, The Exchange, The Death Eaters-"

"Wait wait wait." said Kyon, shaking his head. "The Death Eaters, AND the Order of the Phoniex?"

"Well..Voldemort doesn't know about that yet,but he believes they're working for the "Greater Good", so it all works out.And..uh..."

"What is it?"Kyon asked.

"I found out that the Agency was also giving a hand."

Kyon slapped his head."Really? How could you not know this!?"

"Only the more higher ups in the Agency know about this." Itsuki said. "I only figured this out until I looked at the file."

"Alright, so what happens now?" Kyon asked.

"We just wait, then will make our grand escape at mid night,and then get out of here."

All of a sudden, the closet doors opened, and Choji was standing right there.

"Uhhh...hi," he said.

"Hi." Itsuki and Kyon said together.

"Do you..want a minute?"

"Look, it's not what it looks like." Kyon said.

"Sure...I guess." Choji said, leaving.

"Will you just get out of here!" Kyon yelled.

Kyon and Itsuki came out of the closet and went to their cabin.

"Hey Itsuki," Kyon said.

"Yeah?" Itsuki asked.

"What were you doing while you were at town?"

"Now that,will never be revealed...in time." Itsuki said.

* * *

"We are so screwed." Haruhi said, running through the crowded mall, the rest of her group running behind her. It was 12:53, and the bus was going to leave without them if they didn't hurry. Little Sis took forever to find a dress---Haruhi deemed most of the girls dresses as disgusting,leaving very little time for Haruhi and Mikuru to find theirs. Haruhi, being very lucky, and not very picky, found a dress at the store next door, which, unfortunately had a long line. Mikuru looked and looked everywhere, but no store had a dress that fit her large chest, and tiny waist, and, to her horror, she didn't buy one. She was in tears as they slid through the shopping complex doors, and into the bus. 

"Looks like you guys got here just in time." Rukia said, standing at the head of the bus, the tired group at her feet. "Let's go." The bus lurched forward, as Haruhi and the others stood up clumsily and walked to their seats in the back.

"Where's your dress, Mikuru?" Rukia asked, head tilted to the right.

"I-I- co-couldn't get one."

"Aw. It'll be alright," Rukia said with a smile. "I'm sure Misato has an extra."

"O-ok." She said, taking her seat next to Little Sis, while Haruhi sat with Tsuruya.

Al sat next to a short orange haired girl. She had a pleasant smile as she said, "Hi. I'm Kiyone."

"Hi. I'm-"

"Let's sing a song!" Rukia shouted.

"Nice to meet you." Kiyone said. "Excited about the dance?"

"Not really. You?"

"No. I don't like dances. I've never had a boyfriend before, so it's always weird."

"You don't have a boyfriend? A pretty girl like you?" _Whoa, where did that come from?_ Al blushed. "I mean-"

"No one's called me pretty before," Kiyone added, blushing as well.

"What the hell is that?" Haruhi asked, turned around in her seat next to Tsuruya. "Looks like Al has a girlfriend."

Tsuruya turned around to look at the blushing couple. "Ooh. That's megas cute!"

"Hey! Al!" Haruhi yelled. Al looked at her. "Is that your girl-oomph!" Tsuruya covered her mouth just in time, and then released it when they sat back in their seat. "What was that for?!"

"Don't ruins it!"

"Fine, fine, whatever."

The rest of the ride was filled with lame songs about bottles of root beer, and things occurring down by the bay. When they reached SUNFLOWER, it was time for lunch, and the rest of the girls that stayed behind, left for the shopping center. They lined out of the bus and into the cafeteria, where hot food was laid out for them. After everyone started eating, Misato made a speech at the front of the room.

"Alright," she said, looking across the room. "This is what's going to happen. You have no classes today to get ready for tonight. You must be ready by 8:30. We will meet in the main building, and then travel to SHAMLESS by bus, where the dance will start at 9:00, and end at 12:00."

Boos were heard from the boy deprived girls. "Only three hours?" a girl in the corner complained.

"Hey! Once you see those guys you'd want to leave sooner! Now, I expect you to behave like the women you are, and not participate in any _indecent_ behavior."

"This is coming from _you,_ Misato," smirked the red headed robot piloting teacher.

"Shut up, Asuka!" She snapped. Asuka stuck her tongue out at her, and Misato was going to repay the gesture, until she remembered she was in front of about half the camp. "Sorry," she said, glaring at Asuka. "Now, like I said, I expect you to behave. No hanky-panky business or whatever. Got it?" The girls nodded. "Good." The girls started eating, as Misato walked past Asuka. "You," she hissed. "Come with me."

"She's gonna get it," Haruhi said, mouth full of rice.

"I guess that means we have time to kill until later?" Al said, scanning the room for Kiyone, no doubt, since they got seperated from the bus.

"Yup," Little Sis said, smiling. "What should we do?"

"Uh...well," Mikuru said. "I have to borrow a dress from Misato. Rukia said she had a spare, so-"

"Perfect!" Haruhi said, slamming her glass down and standing up. "I'll come with you!"

"Ok," Mikuru said, getting up as well.

"After we're finished eating!" Haruhi added, sitting back down.

* * *

FAST FORWARD!

* * *

It was 8:00 and everyone was on edge. Everyone was getting dressed up in the last minute. In his cabin, Kyon put on his uniform for the dance. He put on his mask and looked at the mirror. 

He looked even more like a child molester than before.

Itsuki told him, Yuki, and the rest to put on there normal clothes under the uniform, which made Kyon's body sweaty. Itsuki walked in, and was wearing the same uniform that Kyon was wearing.

"Well, it's almost time." Itsuki said.

"Hey, where's Taniguchi and Kunikida?"

"There getting ready."

"And Yuki?" Kyon asked.

The door opened, and Yuki was standing near the door. She was wearing a gold colored dress with matching gloves, and high heels. She was also holding a red apple.

"Wow," was all Kyon could say.

"That is very sexy." Itsuki remarked.

"So..uh...where's your mask?" Kyon asked.

Yuki pulled out a green helmet with a orange visor.

"Great," Kyon said, sighing.

Then the intercom was filled with Johnson's voice.

"Marines! And lady. Report to the mess hall, and get ready to dance!"

"Well you heard the guy."I tsuki said.

"Lets go," Kyon said.

The three of them walked to the mess hall with their masks on there faces. As they entered the mess hall, it was dark and had flashing green neon lights everywhere. In one side of the room, all the guys were massed all together.

"All right marines, this is the moment you have all been waiting for," Johnson said. "Remember, be polite to the ladies, and no one runs out on this, or I'll put you in the bear pit."

"Wait!" Renton screamed. "What about my problem!"

"Will you just shut up about that!" Johnson said in front of Renton's face.

* * *

The time had come. 9:00. 

"All right, ladies." Rukia said again at the head of the bus. The girls were waiting to be released onto the SHAMELESS campgrounds. "Remember what Misato told you earlier: No hanky-panky or whatever you guys call it. Got it?" Mumbles of "yes" and "sure, whatever" were heard. "Good. Now, exit the bus in an orderly fa-"

She was knocked down by the oncoming traffic of excited girls.

Haruhi, Al, Little Sis, Tsuruya and Mikuru brought put the rear, Mikuru trying very hard to pull her dress down. However, if she did, the dress' neckline would sink lower.

"I do-don't feel comfortable," she said, trying to strech the dress so that it might magically become longer.

Tsuruya was trying hard not to laugh. "You'll be all rights." She stifled a laugh.

"That's right Mikuru," Haruhi said, stepping out of the bus, and turning around to face her. "I mean, it was the only dress Misato had. What else could you have done?"

Mikuru stepped out of the bus. She was wearing an extremely short emerald green slutty slut suit, her mask a plain white one that covered half her face, and had lots of slutty make up to dress it up.

"Hello ladies! I'm Shigure!" The man named Shigure walked towards them and gestured towards the entrance to the main hall. "If you don't hurry, the dance will start without you!" The girls-and Al-started walking towards the messhall when Shigure's eyes fell on Mikuru. He reached for her hand, about to kiss it. "Oh hello. My name's-"

"Get away from her, pervert!" Haruhi said, drop kicking him out of the way. She grabbed Mikuru'a hand and dragged her towards the rest of their group.

"Thanks Haruhi," Mikuru said with a smile.

"No problem."

When they reached the inside of the mess hall, Haruhi was blinded by the flashing green neon lights. When her eyes adjusted, she noticed a giant gapping hole in the ceiling. Pictures of a man in sexy poses wearing a Marine uniform and a cap-who Haruhi expected was head of SHAMELESS-were all over the walls, and a giant statue of the guy stood at a stage at the head of the room. After she took in her surroundings, she noticed all the boys were standing on the left side of the room, and the girls on the left. The man on the posters was standing on the stage, about to make a speech.

"Welcome to SHAMELESS ladies...and guy," he said. "I'm Avery Jr. Johnson, the head of SHAMLESS! I remember my first dance. Back in my day, all we had was a rock and a stick..."

To spare you, the reader, the agony those guys had to go through, we'll skip to the end of Johnson's speech.

"...And that's when I realized: It wasn't a monkey! It was a lemur! Anyway, lets hope that you all of you have a great time. And remember ladies: If any of my men are rude to you in anyway, tell me. I have punishment lined up for them already." Groans were heard from the mens' side. "Shut up Marines!"

"And remember!" Shigure added, popping up out of nowhere. "Don't forget to vote for dance King and Queen! Also, someone will win a Subaru!"

"Ooh! A Subaru!" Tsuruya said, turning to Al. Al just slapped his forehead.

"Ok then!" Johnson boombed. "Lets start this thing!"

* * *

At first, no one was doing anything.then Johnson yelled at the men, saying: "Dance already you cowards! I don't need to remind you of the bear pit!" 

Everyone began moving quickly.

A few minutes later, the ball was starting to pick up. Mostly some people were dancing, but the DJ looked like he had no idea what he was doing. Kyon was standing near the punch bowl, like all single lonley guys do, when he saw the ball was beginning to lag, and for some strange reason, people were disappearing. Kyon sighed and then walk across the hall to piss in the bathroom. As he walked back, he saw a room all the way in the back with someone standing guard. Kyon could hear music and laughter inside. He went to investigate when the gaurd stopped him. He was Bulgarian, and had an ugly face.

"This club is for champions," he said. "And friends. And Itsuki."

_Club? Itsuki? Friends? _"I'm a friend of Itsuki." Kyon said.

"You may enter," the gaurd said and oppened the door. When Kyon entered the room, he felt as if he was on a drug trip. It was a cramped room with flashing lights that moved faster than those outside, and everyone was unmasked. He found Itsuki talking to a group of women by what looked like a bar.

"Well, I nailed the audish," Itsuki said. "But guess who got it. It was Yo yo ma's cousin, Lil Nepatiz."

The women started to laugh as Kyon thought: _What the hell is he talking about?_

"Yo!" Itsuki said to Kyon as he came closer.

"What is this place?" Kyon asked.

"Well, this is a "secret" club me and Asasba are holding here at the dance." Itsuki said.

"For what?"

"Well, me and Asasba decided to have a little fun."

"In this cramped space?" Kyon said.

"Well, we have 7 minutes in heaven," Itsuki said."But the Master Cheif's been in there for twenty minutes by himself, and nobody knows what's happening there. I guess I should drag him out."

Itsuki went to the closet and turned the knob. When he opened the closet door, the most unexspected and most outragously WTF event just happened.

"WHAT THE-"

"Friends!" The Bulgarian guard said as he saw the closet.

"Hey," Kyon said as he went to check the closet. "What's going on-what the hell is this!?"

Asaba went to check out what was happening. "What's with all the-"

As soon as he saw what happened, he started barfing.

Everyone gathered around the closet to see what's happening. As for Kyon and Itsuki, they were shocked to see the unexcpected.

"Shit!" Al said, as the door to the closet opened to his horror. The open door revealed a topless Al and Kiyone, with several plastic red cups everyhere, one of which was on Kiyone's head. Kiyone grabbed her shirt to cover herself up, but it was no use. Everyone knew what they had just been doing. 

"What the hell is this?!" Kyon said, shielding his eyes. "Put your shirts back on!"

Al quickly grabed his shirt, as Asaba pulled out his cell phone. "Naughty naughty!" He said, as the camera flashed. "But I forgive you. Look, I don't know who you are," he said to Al, "but you are one sly dog." He then proceeded to howl like a wolf. Kyon massaged his forehead.

"Dear God..."

"Wait." Itsuki said, looking around. "Where's Master Cheif?"

"Uh, right here," said a man wearing green body armor, standing right in front of him.

"Oh."

Having had enough..um...excitement, Kyon walked out of Itsuki's little club to presume his post at the punch bowl. On his way down the hall, he saw Taniguchi and Kunikida standing by the boys bathroom. Kunikida wearing a brown, alien like mask, with large orange eyes; Taniguchi wearing a koala mask.

"What are you wearing?" Kyon asked Kunikida. "More importantly, what are you guys doing?"

"It's an Admiral Ackbar mask," Kunikida replied, pointing to it.

"Trying to pick up girls!" Taniguchi said.

"By the boys' bathroom?"

"Remember Kyon," Kunikida said, "Johnson had this changed to a girls' bathroom. We figured we could try picking up girls here since they have to go to the bathroom some time."

"I'm sorry," Kyon said, "I can't take you seriously with that mask on your face. Besides, what girl would want to dance with a guy wearing a koala mask or a guy wearing an alien mask standing by the bathroom?"

"Hey babe," Taniguchi called out to someone pasing through the bathroom door. "How's your world?"

"I'm a guy!"

"Dammit," Taniguchi cursed under his breath.

"It's ok," Kunikida said with a reassuring smile, "I'm sure the next one will be a girl."

"I'm gonna go," Kyon said. "Oh, and not to make you feel bad or anything, but remember the computer club president?"

"Yeah," they replied.

"Yeah. He scored a few minutes ago."

"Aww man!" He heard Taniguchi yell as he walked back to his post. Kyon smirked.

* * *

"Jeez," Haruhi said to Tsuruya, as she looked around the room. Al had disappeared a while ago, and Mikuru and Little Sis went to the bathroom to try and fix Mikuru's dress. "This is totally lame. The DJ doesn't even know what he's doing!" 

"Yeah, I know. How disappointing ." She noticed Haruhi looking around. "Who are yas lookin' for?"

"No one," Haruhi said, quitting her search.

Tsuruya smiled, when someone tapped both of them on the shoulder. They both turned around to see Misato standing there with her pleasant smile.

"Hello Misato," Tsuruya said.

"Hello ladies."

"What is it?" Haruhi asked her, looking around the room.

Misato glared at her, and then eased up. "Are you having a good time?"

"Not really," Haruhi said, looking her straight in the eye.

"Yeah well, me neither." She said, looking releaved. "I never do at these things."

"Same," Haruhi said, crossing her arms. "Who likes to make a fool of themselves by asking guys to dance with them?"

Misato sweatdropped. "Unfortunately, you do."

Tsuruya started to laugh.

"You do, too." Misato said.

Tsuruya wasn't laughing anymore.

"Why?" Haruhi asked angrly.

"It's part of your grade."

"Dancing? That's dumb."

Misato glared. "At SUNFLOWER, you must learn how to interact with people of the opposite sex successfully. You must at least dance once, or you will be expelled."

"Total bullshit." Haruhi said, turning away from her.

"You go dance, or I'll go kick you out!" Misato yelled.

Tsuruya and Haruhi then scattered to go find a dance partner.

"This is such crap," Haruhi muttered, walking to the other side of the room. Most of the people were taken, but luckly there were two people standing by the punch bowl. One of them was wearing a cat mask, the other a white ski mask with poorly cut eye wholes. She decided to take her chances with the guy with the ski mask, even if he looked like a child molester, and walked right up to him. "Dance with me," she demanded.

* * *

"Dance with me." 

Kyon snapped out of his daydream, and looked to see who had spoken. A girl, no doubt pretty behind the sparkling butterfly mask that covered her eyes, wearing a white floor length dress and white ribbons in her hair stood in front of him, hands on her hips.

"Excuse me?" He asked, taken a back.

"Dance with me!"

The girl grabbed Kyon's arm and dragged him out to the dance floor.

_This is a bit awkward_, Kyon thought as he started to dance with the girl.

The girl didn't seem to be enjoying the dance and he found himself at odds with the girls mood. After a few minutes into the dance, things began to go more smoothly than before. The girl he was dancing with seemed familiar. Then out of the blue, Kyon saw Itsuki pour booze into the punch bowl.

"Dear God," Kyon said to himself.

"What is it?" the girl asked.

"Nothing," Kyon added quickly.

At the punch bowl, Itsuki watched Kyon dance with the girl, a big smile on his face.

Aftew more seconds, it began to rain hard. The water poured through the gapping hole that was still there. Renton was struck by a lightning bolt, and became a smoldering corpse. Itsuki chuckled and Kyon smirked. He looked at the clock: 11:03.

_Damn_! Kyon thought.

He only had 57 minutes until there great escape and for some reason, Itsuki vanished from the punch bowl.

"So..."Kyon said to speed things up."What's your name?"

* * *

"My name?" Haruhi asked. _Great. Is he trying to come onto me or something? _"Haruhi."

* * *

Kyon's heart stopped beating. "What?"

* * *

"Jeez. Are you deaf?" Haruhi said. "My name is Haruhi! _Why is he looking at me all weird?_ "Why? Have a problem with it?"

* * *

"N-no!" Kyon said. 

He was in a state of confusion and wanted to get out of there as fast as he could. "Uhh..I have to go-"Kyon said as he let go of her, and rasied his hands about chest hight, starting backing away.

"No you don't!" he heard Itsuki say as he pushed him back towards Haruhi, causing them to bump heads, and his hands to slam on her chest

"Ouch! What the hell was that?" Haruhi asked, backing away from him.

* * *

She strarted backing away, having had enough, when she spotted Misato standing a few feet away, watching her. She grabbed the guys hand and shoulder, and started to dance again. _It's ok, Haruhi. You just got to do this one dance, and your home free._

* * *

"I dunno." Kyon said angrily, looking around. "But I have a strong feeling it starts with an I and ends in-" _No! Don't blow your cover!__

* * *

_ "Starts with I and ends with what?" Haruhi asked. _Maybe I should have taken my chances with the cat mask guy. This ones freaking me out._

* * *

"Wait. Uhh...it's...John Smith." He said quickly.

* * *

"What is?" 

The moment felt more awkward. The sooner he left the dance the better.

* * *

"John...Smith..."_ Where have I heard that name before,_ Haruhi wondered "Oh. I know. You're the son of that one guy who moved across the street from my aunt. I've heard about you before."

* * *

"Really? Oh yeah...your aunt, I know her." Kyon said. _Ok.I have to get out of this now! _

"Yeah," Haruhi said, looking confused all of a sudden. "But, I didn't think you'd be here. She said you were a top student, and that you were entering college."

"Oh well..." Kyon said, saying whatever came out of his head. "Well, you see, I had just-"

The song had ended.

_YES! THE SONG IS OVER!_

* * *

_YAY! THE SONG IS OVER! _

* * *

Haruhi pushed Kyon backwards with violent force, he almost fell on the ground. 

"See ya never," Haruhi said, walking a way.

Kyon was finally happy to be free from her clutches. He went back to the punch bowl and found Itsuki was back.

"Where were you?" Kyon asked.

"It's none of your concern." Itsuki said.

"So, is everyone ready?" Kyon whispered.

"Pretty much." Itsuki said. "You just wait here."

"Wait, why?" Kyon asked.

"Because it's suprise."

_A suprise from him? _Kyon thought. _I can hardly wait._

It was 11:55,and almost half of the people there were really drunk. It was time for the announcement for the Dance King and Queen, and the winner of the Subaru.

"Hello gentlemen." Asaba said on stage. "And ladies." He said in a sexy tone.

Kyon, yet again, slapped his forehead.

"I'm about to unveil the winners for dance King and Queen." Asaba said. "But first, I'm going to reveal the winner of the Subaru, and that lucky bastard is...Itsuki Koizumi!"

A loud cheer was in the mess hall as Kyon was surprised that Itsuki had actually won a Subaru.

"And now," Asaba said opening an envelope. "The dance Queen is...Ran Kotobuki!"

The croud went wild, but Kyon was barely paying any attention.

"And now..the dance King is...again folks, it's Itsuki Koizumi!"

Kyons jaw dropped when he heard those words. A Subaru was one thing, but Dance King!? _I guess the guy's more popular than I though. Still, what do these people see in him anyway? _Regardless, the title of King and the Subaru didn't matter, because Itsuki wasn't anywhere to be seen.

_Where the hell is he? _Kyon thought.

"Where is that lucky guy?" Asaba said, as Ran stood next to him, waiting for her King.

Asaba's question was about to be answered, as the wall near the punch bowl bursted, and debris flew around the place. When the dust finally settled, Kyon saw that Itsuki's plan was taking effect: A masked Itsuki and Yuki were ridding a donkey, fitted with a battering ram.

"Come on!" Itsuki said as he pulled Kyon onto the donkey. "Were getting out of here!"

"What's going on?" Johnson asked.

"Alright then," Itsuki said. "LOWER THE GIANT HAIR DRYER!"

Suddenly, a giant gold hair dryer descended from the ceiling. Inside, Taniguchi and Kunikida were peddiling as fast as they could. The wind blew every thing away that wasn't bolted to the floor, leaving the people laying in a pile on the floor, and a hole at the opposite side of the room. After a few minutes, the dryer stopped, and Taniguchi and Kunkida came out, landing on the cramped donkey with Kyon, Itsuki, andYuki. The donkey couldn't support their weight, and it collapsed.

"Hey, is it ok?" Kunikida asked.

"It's dead." Yuki said.

"Well, as much as I love grieving for a donkey," Kyon said. "We need to get out."

"Right." Itsuki said. "But I need some place to bury the donkey."

And, once again, Kyon slapped his forehead.

* * *

We should be back with a better update flow now that our computer is running. Seriously, it was horrible: It would shut down on us every 10 minutes. Ever do a homework assignment the night before it's due on the computer, and then have it shut down...when you were almost done??? Yeah, writing this chapter was somewhat like that. Anyway, we should be updating faster now. Thanks for reading, again .  
Oh! And I believe three animes should be added to the list that were used: Super Gals, His and Her Circumstances, and Eureka Seven. 


	6. Rock You Like An Esper

**Hey guys.** Sorry this chapter took so long! You know the excuses...school, life, they got in the way. Anyhow, here is chapter 5. In a way, me and my brother think this is the worst chapter, although it does explain a lot and sets things up. Ok, I know what you're thinking, you want to read it now. Or flame this story. Whatever we don't care. Without anymore stalling, here is chapter 5.

**DISCALIMER: **We don't own Haruhi. But if we did, the series would continue forever without fillers. Even Jack Nicholson would be going: "Oh proud shipper! Don't end the series!" Sorry...an X-Play quote.

* * *

**Chapter 5**

**Rock You Like An Esper**

"What...happened..." Haruhi woke up to the morning sunlight streaming down from the hole in the ceiling. She slowly sat up, and took a look around: Everywhere lay broken chairs, tables, and torn up posters of Johnson. A few people were still knocked out, and a few were hauling debris in a out of the room though the giant holes at the opposite ends of the room. She looked around, and found Mikuru and Little Sis a few feet away, and Tsuruya across the room, helping someone carry half of a table outside. She got up, brushed off her dress and walked over to Mikuru.

"No!!" Screamed Dance Queen, Ran Kotobuki. "My dress is ruined!"

Haruhi scowled as she passed. When she reached them, she woke the two girls up, and asked, "Do you remember what happened last night?"

"Uh..bits and pieces," Mikuru said. "I know that there was a giant hair dryer, a few escapees, and a horse."

"It was a donkey," Little Sis said, followed by a small cough.

"Oh. Yeah...Where's Tsuruya and Al?"

"Tsuruya's helping clear things out," Haruhi said. "As for Al, I don't know."

"Al's with that girl Kiyone," said Tsuruya from behind Haruhi, done with her work.

"Heh," Haruhi smirked.

"DAMNIT!" Johnson yelled. The group looked to the angry Johnson, and saw that he was red in the face, and had stepped on a donkey turd.

"Ok ladies!" Misato said with a sweat drop. "Let's head back! ASAP!"

All the girls agreed and quickly followed Misato out the door as they heard Johnson explode.

* * *

"I'm hungry." Taniguchi said. 

"Will you shut up!?" Kyon yelled at him.

They had just escape from Shameless six hours ago in the Subaru. Itsuki was driving with Yuki next to him while Kyon, Kunikida, and Taniguchi were sitting in the back.

"Hmph, I want to go home," Taniguchi said with his arms crossed.

"Don't worry Taniguchi," Itsuki said."I'm sure we can stop by the next McDonalds."

"Could you take the donkey out of the trunk." Kunikida said. "It's starting to smell.

"Look, we'll find some place to bury the donkey, alright?" Itsuki said, as as stop sign could be seen up ahead. He gave a quick glance at Yuki and then thought, _Time to make my move. _At the stop sign he stopped abruptly and threw his right arm across Yuki's chest, grabbing her breast. "Whoa! My god! I'm so sorry..." He gave a little wink to Taniguchi in the side view mirror. Taniguchi gave him a thumbs up, and quickly took out a note pad.

"...'Whoa, I'm sorry'..." he muttered as he wrote. "Grabs boob...Got it!"

"Hey! That's not right! Stop the car!" Kyon said.

"What's wrong." Itsuki asked, looking back at his angry friend.

"You. You are wrong." He got out of the car, and said, "I'm trading places with Yuki."

Yuki got out of the car as Kyon held the door for her, and they switched places. Now Kyon sat next to Itsuki, and Yuki sat next to Kunikida.

Another stop sign was only a few feet ahead. Itsuki decided to drop the bomb in three...two...one: He flung his arm onto Kyon's lap.

"Whoa! My god! I'm so so-"

"THAT'S IT!" Kyon said, getting out right there. "Taniguchi! Trade places with me!"

"But I-

"Now!"

After Taniguchi and Kyon traded places, they continued on, Itsuki no longer "making his move".

* * *

Walking around camp aimlessly, Haruhi and the girls were walking back to the cabin. 

"I wonder where Al is," Tsuruya said. "I haven't seens him since this morning in SHAMELESS."

"I'm sure we'll see him later," Haruhi said.

As they approached the cabin, they heard yelling from within. All of a sudden, two women cops came running from behind them, one of them screaming, "It's me, Miyuki Kobayakawa and Natsumi Tusjimoto on the case, Misato! Don't worry!"

"Whoa! What's going on?!" Haruhi asked the cops.

The two women turned around, and the one named Miyuki said, "We get calls like this all the time. Domestic abuse situations. An old boyfriend comes back, doesn't like what he sees. We'll take care of it!" They turned around, and ran toward the cabin.

"Wait!" Tsuruya called after them. " 'Domestic abuse' ?!"

" 'Old boyfriend' ?" Mikuru said, as the girls ran to the cabin.

" 'Calls like this all the time' ?!" Haruhi said, as they burst through the door.

When the girls entered the room, there stood the cops, trying to calm down an angry man with chicken nugget hair, standing by the right wall, with a bloody sword. Al was sitting on Haruhi's bed, clutching a pillow, crying, and Kiyone was standing next to him, yelling back at the man with the sword. At the end of the room, next to the book case, stood a shirtless man with white hair, with his face blurred out.

"Sir! Sir!" Miyuki said, slowly advancing toward the armed man, trying to be heard over the yelling. "Put down your weapons! Put your weapons down!"

"Don't you yell at me!" The man screamed at Kiyone's face.

"Sir! Put the weapon down!"

"Alright! Alright!" The guy said, slowly lowering his sword.

"Slowly! Put it down slowly! Now put your hands up." The man followed. "Now," she continued. "I want you to sit on that bed. Yeah. That bed. Now, just sit down."

Seeing that the man calmed down, Miyuki turned to Kiyone. "Kiyone Kotetsu?"

"Yes?" She replied.

"Is this the man who has been bothering you and your boyfriend?"

"Yes!" She said, raising her voice again. "Sentaro just came in all crazy, waving his sword around-"

"Bull shit, Kiyone!"

"Sir, I need you to calm down." Miyuki turned from the man known as Sentaro, to Al. "Now, who's this guy?" She asked Kiyone. "Sir...are you alright? Are you hurt?"

There was no response, and then as Al looked up at her, "H-he hit me!" He pointed toward Sentaro.

Sentaro stood up. "Oh my god! I did not- I didn't-I didn't hit him! He hit _me!_" Sentaro started to stand up again.

"Hands up!" Miyuki said, walking toward Sentaro. "Put your hands up right now, or I'll put a hole in you, I swear to fucking god!"

"..Yeah..." Natsumi said, behind Miyuki.

"This is bull shit!" Sentaro yelled, as Miyuki forced him against the wall. "This is-You tell him, Kiyone!"

"Oh, what's this?" Miyuki said, holding up a bag of drugs and waving it around. "What's this? What do we got right here?"

"That's not mine! That's not mine!" Sentaro pleaded. "That's not mine! He gave it to me. It's his!" He said, pointing to the shirtless man in the back.

"Hey," Miyuki said. "Whoa, whoa. Stop right there!" The white haired man was escaping through the book case. "Hey! Natsumi! Get on that!" Natsumi dashed toward the book case, but it was too late. He was gone.

Miyuki then tackled Sentaro to the ground with his arms behind his back. He was moving around, but Miyuki put her foot on his back to keep him there.

"This is," Sentaro yelled, "BRUTALITY! Bull shit!" He then proceeded to cry.

"Natsumi! Get me those hand cuffs!"

"Yeah, that's right Sentaro," Kiyone yelled, looking down at him. "You're going to jail!"

"Yeah, you like that? Huh?" Miyuki said. "You like that? You like that?"

Sentaro continued to cry. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry, Kiyone!"

"No way!" She said as the cops pulled him out the door. "I'm not taking it!"

"I fucking love you baby! I fucking love you!" They had dragged him out of the cabin, but he continued to yell: "KIYONE! KIYONE!"

As the yelling died down, everyone slowly looked at eachother. "Well..."Haruhi said, standing there. "That was exactly like an episode of Cops."

"Hello," Kiyone said. "That's exactly what we were going for."

The girls just sweat dropped.

* * *

In the car, Itsuki, Taniguchi, and Kunikida were singing a song that was playing on the radio, with Kyon very annoyed and Yuki silent as ever. 

"Dont you want me baby?" They sang. "Don't you want me? Ohhhhhhhhhh!"

But then the singing was interrupted as the car suddenly stopped moving.

"What's going on?" Kyon asked.

"Were out of gas," Itsuki said.

"You have to be kidding me," Kyon said. "Isn't there a gas station back there?"

"Nope," Itsuki said. "But, I have an idea."

A few minutes later...

"Push!" Itsuki yelled to Kyon.

Itsuki was sitting on top of the Subaru while Kyon was pushing the car up the road.

"Can we stop this now?" Kyon asked.

"Come on," Itsuki said. "We only have 5 miles to go."

"Go where?!"

"Just keep pushing."

Kyon kept pushing the Subaru for another hour, until he collapsed.

"We just have a few miles to go Kyon, come on," Itsuki said.

"Few miles to where!?" Kyon snapped. "We don't even know where we're going!"

"Keep pushing," Itsuki said. "I'll give you a Kyon cracker."

"What the hell is that?" Kyon said.

"This," Itsuki said, holding a pack airline food.

Kyon shook his head slowly. _How did I get into this?_

* * *

Coming back from bowling practice, Haruhi and Al headed to the cafeteria to meet up with the rest of their group for lunch. Bowling balls in hand, they stepped inside and took a place in line. 

"Man, that lesson made me hungry," Haruhi remarked, putting the 10 pound bowling ball on her tray, and sliding it down the counter top.

"Yeah, I'm kind of hungry myself," Al replied, surveying the food, and putting it on his plate.

Because Haruhi's ball was hogging space on her tray, she decided to stack all the plates on top of one another: a bowl of salad sat underneath a plate of fruit which sat underneath a sandwich.

"Are you sure that's safe?" Al asked, putting his bowling ball inside his bag.

"It'll be fine," Haruhi insisted. She took a glass of juice and attempted to put it on top of the sandwich.

"No, I think it won't," Al said.

"Look," Haruhi said, lifting the try off the counter very slowly. "It will be fine." She slowly started walking toward the table. "See? It's o-"

By some unseen obstacle, Haruhi tripped, sending the tray, and bowling ball, flying. The tray missed a girl by a few inches. The bowling ball wasn't so lucky. It landed on the girls right foot, causing her to fall down, and start yelling.

"What the hell was that?!" She yelled. She had a sort of loud and annoying voice, with orange hair, and a fang tooth, much like Tsuruya's. She seemed like she was gonna cry. A girl behind her with purple wavy hair said, "Lord Il Pallazo wouldn't like to see this...how embarrassing."

"I'm sorry!" Haruhi said, kneeling down in front of the injured girl. "I'm really-"

"Sorry doesn't cut it!" The girl stood up slowly, and yelled: "By the name of Lord Il Pallazo, I, Excel Excel, shall take you down!"

"What?" Haruhi asked.

"A fight!"

"Fight? And what kind of gay name is Pallazo?"

"Ok, now you've done it!" The girl named Excel shrieked. With all her force, Excel lunged forward, and pinned Haruhi down.

"Bring it on!" Haruhi yelled, trying to sit up, pulling her fist back for a punch. Excel nearly missed it as she jumped off Haruhi. Haruhi quickly got up, and then aimed to jump kick Excel in the side, only to miss by inches. Excel grabbed a near by lunch tray, and threw it at Haruhi's head.

"Gah!" Haruhi caught it with her hands, and then threw it back at Excel. This went on for awhile, back and forth, back and forth like a frisbee, until Misato came in with a large butterfly net. She threw it over Haruhi's head, and the fighting stopped.

"YOU!" Misato said, draging Haruhi away. "You're coming with me!"

She dragged a helpless Haruhi back to her office. _Damn butterfly net, _Haruhi thought. _It has some weird magical power over me._

Opening the office door, Misato pushed Haruhi in. "Take a seat," she said sternly. Haruhi took a hard looking seat in front of Misato's desk without any complaints. Misato sat at her black leather chair and rested her chin on her hands-much like a cranky, old bastard she knew. _I've always wanted to do this,_ Misato said to herself. "You're on thin ice, Suzumiya," Misato started. "But do you get off the ice? Hell no. You prance up and down the ice like you're having a seizure or something! If it wasn't for your peers-"

"Peers?!" Haruhi yelled, getting up. "Peers?! You call those disgrace of humanity my peers? Hell if they matter!"

"That's it, Haruhi!" Misato yelled, slamming her hands on her desktop and getting up. "I'm sending you out!"

"No way!" Haruhi shot back, sitting back down and folding her arms. "I'm not leaving without my toys!...And Al."

"Oh my god," Misato said, rubbing her forehead. "Fine, whatever. I'm sending you and your...what is it you called them?"

"Toys," Haruhi replied.

"Oh yeah...anyway, I'm sending you and your "toys" out on a mission."

"A mission?!" Haruhi yelled, eyes widening.

"Yeah. No one else wants to take it, so I might as well give it to you to get out of my hair."

"What is it?" Haruhi asked in wonder.

"Remember those escapees from the boy's camp last night?"

"Yeah."

"Well, you guys are going to try and capture them. Once you have, bring them back to the camp where they will have a trial which will determine their punishment."

Haruhi looked worried. "What punishment?"

"Uh...I dunno. Death or something."

Haruhi sighed. "Oh thank god. I thought it was gonna be something pansy."

"Pansy? No, we're hard ass over here."

"Are you gonna give us any weapons?" _Please say yes. Please say yes._

Misato laughed. "Weapons? Like hell I'm gonna give you weapons! No!" Once Misato was done laughing, she opened a drawer and pulled out a small, black, triangular electronic device with a large screen, and touch screen keypad. "This is a tracker thingy. I dunno what it is, but Johnson gave it to me. He said that he could tell the escapees were planning something, so he put a tracking device on one of their friends. This device should tell you where the escapees are at any given time. It also makes phone calls to SUNFLOWER and SHAMELESS by pressing one for SHAMELESS and two for SUNFLOWER. If you have any leads, or find that you need extreme help, call us."

She handed the device to Haruhi, who expected it. "Can this make calls anywhere else?"

"Psh. No. We're not a cell phone service." She pulled open another drawer, and pulled out a set of five walkie talkies. "You and your group can use this to communicate with each other."

"Walkie talkies?!" Haruhi whined. "How last gen..."

"Shut up," Misato said, trying not to burst. Once she calmed down, she said: "Now go. You guys will leave tomorrow in the morning. There will be a bus waiting for you by the entrance. It will take you to the hotel in the next city for you to rest. The escapees were rumored to be around that area."

"What will we do if we need money? We don't have anymore."

"This should take care of it," Misato said, pulling out an ID card with a picture of herself on the right hand side and throwing it to Haruhi. Haruhi caught it, and looked it over. "Just flash this. They know."

"Know what?" Haruhi asked.

"Exactly."

Haruhi, slightly confused, stood up from the chair. "I will do my best!" She saluted, and walked out of the room. When she was gone, Misato set her head on her desk and slowly started to pound it.

_Man! _Haruhi thought, heading back to the cafeteria to see if everyone was still there. _I bet Kyon isn't on any secret missions._

* * *

FAST FORWARD!_ This Fast Forward was brought to you by peanut butter and jelly!_

* * *

It was night already, and Kyon and company weren't getting anywhere. They were close to the beach, and yet for some strange reason, no body or building was around anywhere. Kyon was still pushing the car, when Itsuki said: "Alright, lets take a rest people. I'm bushed." 

"That's my line!" Kyon said.

"Anyway, Kyon," Itsuki said. "We don't have enough room in the car for everyone to sleep comfortably. So you and Yuki will have to sleep outside."

"Outside? Where!?" Kyon said.

"The donkey carcass."

"You did not just say the donkey carcass."

"Whoa! I'm sorry, what I meant to say was the donkey carcass."

"Oh my god. There is no way I'm sleeping in that donkey carcass."

Two minutes later...

"I can't believe I'm sleeping in the donkey carcass," Kyon said to himself.

He was going to open the trunk to get the donkey, and set it on the ground. "How am I going to this?" Kyon said to himself.

The donkey carcass laid there. Flies and maggots were crawling on the body while vultures were circling around the donkey. A vulgar look was on Kyon's face as the vultures pooped on him. In the car, he could see flashing lights inside as Taniguchi and Kunkida were thrown out.

"What's happening?" Kyon asked.

"Itsuki's having his sexy party," Kunikida said.

"And were not invited," Taniguchi said.

"A sexy party?" Kyon asked. He then looked in the car, and saw a bunch of women in bikinis.

"Damn you Itsuki," Taniguchi said.

"Where is Yuki?" Kyon asked.

"At the sexy party," Kunikida said..

_Oh God, _Kyon thought. _I can't imagine what kind of things that Yuki's doing in there with Itsuki._

* * *

Hours later...

* * *

"That's it!" Kyon said."That party has gone on long enough!" 

Kyon then stormed in the car: "Itsuki! Your party stops right now!"

"What are you talking about?" Itsuki said. "The party ended 3 hours ago."

"Wait? What?" Kyon said. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Uhhhh...Yeah."

"That is not answer."

"Oh yeah, some girl said there's a Holiday Inn right next to us." Itsuki said, pointing to a giant hotel out the window.

Kyon slapped his forehead.

* * *

"You kids ready?" Misato asked them. It was already lights out and all the other campers had gone to sleep. They were standing in front of the mess hall, dressed in black with their walkie talkies and ruck sack. Haruhi held the tracking "thingy" in her right hand and-having played with it all day-already had the escapees red dot on the screen. 

"I got the signal," she said, looking up at Misato. "It's pretty weak though."

"It's a start," Misato replied, checking her own tracking thingy. "Ok. I called the bus a few minutes ago. They should be here to pick you up and drop you off at a Holiday Inn at the next city." She turned off the tracking device and turned to face the group. "I just want you guys to know that we really appreciate you doing this. We couldn't do this without you. Good luck."

"Thank you," Haruhi replied sincerely as Misato started walking back.

"Yeah, whatever." With that, she was gone in the dark, heading for the secret bar in the janitor's closet.

Haruhi turned around and grinned. "Isn't this exciting?!"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Al asked. "You just dragged us out of bed, gave us these ruck sacks, and told us we're going somewhere. Next thing we know, Misato said we're going to a Holiday Inn and she can't do "this" without us. What the hell is going on?!"

"Uh...yeah..." Haruhi said. "Well..." Haruhi proceeded to explain what had happened earlier and what Misato had asked of them. Once she was done, she smiled and exclaimed, "Exciting, right?!"

The group just stood there. Mikuru shivering, Little Sis picking at something on the ground, Tsuruya playing with her nails, and Al staring at his feet.

"Surprisingly, "Al said, "I'm not going to object to this. I mean, considering all the weird crap that's already happened, why not?" He sat down on a rock, and buried his head in his hands.

"Yeah," Tsuruya said, looking up for a second. "I don't care."

"I also have no objection." Mikuru said.

"Me either," Little Sis replied from the ground.

_The group is taking this pretty well_, Haruhi thought.

All of a sudden, Al looked up and started to panic. "What about Kiyone? Just when I find someone sane and sexy in this world, I have to leave her behind? I have to say good bye first! Make sure she'll wait for me!"

"Oh don't worry!" Haruhi said, slapping him hard on the back. "She'll wait for you! She loves you!" She then stood next to Tsuruya and whispered, "Not a chance."

The bus pulled up silently and the door opened, revealing a man in light blue pajamas and a baseball cap..

"Hello," he said cheerfully. "Misato said this was important, so I got here as fast as I could." The crew stepped inside the dimly lit bus and took seats up in the front. "Welcome to my bus. My name is Tucker. Where are you fine ladies headed?"

"I'm a guy!" Al yelled.

"I'm sorry," the man said a frown. "Where are you going?"

Al gave up. "The Holiday Inn at the next city," he replied.

"Ohh," the man said. "I was just there. There was a man by the name of...Oh, I forgot his name, but he was playing the piano very well, and singing with a voice of gold. People were crowding around him in the lobby."

"Really," Haruhi asked, leaning over the back of the seat in front of her to get a better look at Tucker. "What was he singing?"

* * *

"I smell like I sound-" Itsuki sang while playing the piano. 

"Ahoy," Taniguchi said, sitting beside Itsuki, starstruck.

"I'm lost and I'm found-_"_

"Ahoy," Kunikida said stroking Itsuki's hair.

"And I'm hungry like the wolf."

"Ahoy," Yuki said sitting on top of the piano.

Kyon ,who was sitting at a table close to them, was ashamed. _What the hell?_

"So," Itsuki said coming up to Kyon. "What do you think of that performance?"

"To be honest," Kyon started. "That was totally random."

"I know, it was brilliant." Itsuki said with a grin.

"Ok, your times up." Kyon said. "Get back to the room. I'm going to get a soda. Do you want anything?"

"I'm fine," Itsuki said. "Meet you back up there.

After they seperated, Kyon walked back to their room. As he knocked on the door, the first thing he heard was:

"What's the password?"

"What password?" Kyon asked.

"The password we gave out during the meeting a few seconds ago," Itsuki's said behind the door.

"I wasn't at the meeting!" Kyon said frustrated. "Open up!"

"No password, no door opening," Itsuki said.

Kyon kept pounding on the door for a half hour.

"Itsuki! Open up!" Kyon yelled through the hall.

Suddenly, the door opened.

"Alright, you got the password," Itsuki said.

"Wait, what was the password?" Kyon asked, confused.

"It was my name .Itsuki." Itsuki said.

"Look, lets forget what just happened," Kyon said.

After the whole password fiasco, they all sat in a circle for a discussion.

"What do we do now?" Kyon said."We're wanted by Johnson, we got no place to go, and the donkey carcass in the corner is not helping things!"

"Well," Taniguchi said."We could go to Alaska. Nobody that lives there, Johnson would never think of finding us."

"There are actually people that live there you know?" Kunikida commented.

"Says you."

"Any other suggestions?" Kyon asked.

"We could stay in my attic," Itsuki said cheerfully. "There's a bunch of room for us to fit in."

"Never mind that." Kyon said."Kunikida, you got anything?"

"Well, I have 27 different-"

"Never mind," Kyon said interrupting him."Yuki, do you have anything?"

Yuki just stood silent, eating a red apple.

_Oh God. _"Well, I'm going to bed, I'm bushed."

"I hate that guy," Taniguchi whispered to Kunikida.

* * *

"Here ya go, ladies," Tucker said, completely disregarding Al. "This is your stop." He opened the bus doors and the group bid farewell as they walked on the cool sand of the beach. 

"I'm tired," Little Sis complained, rubbing her eyes like all cute little girls do. "I want to go to sleep now!"

"Well, you'll need it," Haruhi said, tinkering with the tracker thingy. "We have to get up pretty early to start our search!"

They entered the lobby of the Holiday Inn to find it quite and still except for a petite girl with purple hair and glasses flipping through a novel. As they approached the counter, the girl slowly shut her book and flashed a big smile.

"Hi. Are you checking in?"

"Yes," Haruhi answered. "I believe it's under the name 'Misato'."

The receptionist turned to her computer and typed up the name. After scrolling down the page for a few seconds, she turned to Haruhi. "And how will you be paying for this? Cash? Credit?"

Haruhi dug through her black shorts and pulled out something small. "With this!" She threw the I.D. card of Misato's onto the desk. The receptionist picked it up, puzzled. "Oh. Ok then."

_Yes! I can't believe this really works!_

The receptionist typed something in the computer and waited for their room key to be printed. Once this was done, she handed Haruhi both the I.D. card and key. "Have a nice stay," she said.

"Thanks lady!" Haruhi said with a smile, and led the rest of the group through the lobby and into the elevator at the end of the room.

The receptionist's gaze follwed the group until the elevator doors closed. "Damn Misato. I already told her to stop expecting me to accept her I.D. card as cash!"

"Here we are," Haruhi said, opening the door into their hotel room. Room 667.

"Let's hit the sack!" Tsuruya said, flopping on the nearest bed as Haruhi pulled the chain on the nearest lamp.

"Uhh," Al said, looking around at the two queen beds. "I guess this means I'm sleeping on the floor?"

"No," Haruhi said, surprised.

"Well then, where will I sleep?"

"In this," Haruhi pulled out purple sleeping bag and threw it on the floor.

"Oh...thanks."

"What are you doing?!" Haruhi yelled, pointing at Mikuru who was pulling out extra clothes from her ruck sack

"I..I want to change," she said, shaken.

"No!" Haruhi grabbed the clothes from Mikuru's hands and threw it aside. "It doesn't matter! We have to be able to act at a moments notice! There is no time for changing! Besides, we only brought a limited supply of clothing, so we got to save them until we really need to change, ok?"

"Uh...sure," Mikuru said, gathering the clothes and putting it back in her bag.

"Good!"

The crew set themselves up: Haruhi and Little Sis in one bed, Mikuru and Tsuruya in the other (**don't get any ideas, pervs**), and Al on the floor. Haruhi set the key and the tracker thingy on the bedside table.

"Good night you guys," Haruhi said, and turned off the lamp.

* * *

Kyon woke up at around 8:00 in the morning. Itsuki and Yuki were watching TV,and Tanguchi and Kunkida were playing a card game. Kyon then started to walk out the door. 

"I'm going down stairs to get something to drink," He said.

"Alright," Itsuki replied."Get me some RC."

Kyon ignored him, shut the door, and headed to the lobby to get his drink. After this was done, he went inside the elevator to go back to his room floor. He had no idea what was going to happen.When the elevator door opened, he saw the last person he would ever think to see.

* * *

"Please explain why you have a large bucket of ice?" Al asked as they walked back from the ice machine to their room. 

"It's free. Therefore we take."

"But where on earth are we going to put it? You said yourself if we picked up any location of the SHAMELESS escapees we need to get out of here as soon as we can to capture them and bring them back to camp where recieved they the death penalty."

"Well, since we have no lead yet, we might as well take it."

"Yeah, but what are we going to do with it?"

"It's free! Do you not get the concept?!"

* * *

With a frantic look on his face, Kyon kept pressing the close door button. 

_Crap! Crap! Crap! _

Finally, the doors closed as Haruhi turned around.

* * *

_I could of sworn...nah._

* * *

Kyon sighed at the narrow escape. _Why me?_ He got off on the floor below and decided to use the stairs which was closer to his room. As bursted he into the room, everyone was wondering what was wrong with him. 

"Kyon, are you OK?" Itsuki asked.

"You don't want to know, but whatever you do, do not go out the door," Kyon insisted.

"Hey isn't that Haruhi?" Taniguchi said, peaking out the door."Hey Haruhi!" he said waving his arm. Kyon quickly grabbed him back into the room.

"You idiot!" Kyon shouted at him.

"Haruhi?" Itsuki asked."What's going on?"

"It's a long story, but we have to get out of here right now!"

"But we haven't even eat yet, and I haven't brush my teeth!" Itsuki frowned.

"We'll eat later!" Kyon yelled, picking up the small backpack he managed to bring full of possibly useful items and a hand full of cash.

"As for your breath," Taniguchi said, "it always smells great, so there's no need to worry!"

"Why thank you!" Itsuki said with a smile.

"Ok, we need to get to the ferry." Kyon said once everything was fixed. "The dock is actually just a walk away and I heard from some lady in the hall that it leaves every 30 minutes staring at 6:00. So that means the next one leaves at-"

"8:30." Kunikida said.

"Right. That means we gotta high tail it out of here without being noticed." He checked his watch. "It's 8:17. We better go."

"You mind telling us what's going on?" Itsuki said, putting on his back pack.

"There's no time!"

"Well I'm not leaving," Itsuki protested, "until you tell me what's going on."

"Look you bone head, SHAMELESS sent Haruhi and the computer club president to hunt us down!"

"What?!" Taniguchi said in disbelief.

"It's true! I saw them in the hall arguing about some ice when they said they were hunting us down! The Prez also mentioned that we receive the death penalty if we're caught!"

"What?!" Kunikida said.

"It's true!" Kyon checked his watch. "We just wasted 2 minutes! Let's hurry!" Kyon slowly opened the door to check if Haruhi was still there. "You guys go out first. I'll leave after you guys to check out." The others nodded and snuck out the door. As they left the hotel building and started walking toward the beach, Taniguchi turned to Itsuki and said, "You know what's weird? Why is it Haruhi and the computer club Prez? I mean, are they the only ones looking for us? If so, that's an odd couple."

"Well," Itsuki replied, "Maybe they'll fall in love and leave Kyon for me!"

"Ok, that was just creepy."

* * *

"WE GOT A LEAD!" Haruhi yelled, throwing her bucket of ice all over the room.One hit Mikuru in the face. 

"Ow.."

"Sorry Mikuru, but we have a lead! Let's go!" She looked at the triangular device and watched the red dot blink wildly. "It says that the escapees are really close!" She pocketed the device and picked up her ruck sack. "People, lets move out!"

The others nodded, picked up their own ruck sacks and left the room promptly.

"Oh, I forgot," Haruhi said, walking down the hall and into the elevator. "I have to check out. Here Al, take the tracker. It should say how close or far they are and what direction they're moving in the upper left hand."

"Looks like they're moving toward the ferry." Al replied as the elevator doors opened.

"Alright. Make your way there as I check out. I'll follow."

* * *

"Oh shit," Kyon said under his breath as he spotted Haruhi and the others at the other end of the lobby. 

"I'm sorry?" The receptionist said. "What did you say?"

"Nothing!" Kyon said frantically. "Can I go now?"

"Umm...sure?"

"Ok! Thanks!" Kyon said rushing toward the door. _So, Mikuru, Tsusruya and my own little sister are after me, huh? _

Kyon ran as fast as the wind to the ferry, but as the ferry came into sight, it was already leaving the dock.

"Oh yeah Kyon," Itsuki said, "the ferry's leaving."

"No shit!" Kyon yelled."I can see that."

Then, in an amazing moment, Kyon ran and jumped onto the ferry before it was far away from the dock. However, if you looked closely, it was actually Kyon's stunt double.

When the real Kyon got on the ferry, Itsuki said: "Alright, you made it."

"No thanks to you." Kyon muttered.

_

* * *

_"Damnit!" Haruhi yelled, throwing down her ruck sack in anger. "The escapees were on that boat!"

"What are we supposed to do now?" Little Sis asked Mikuru.

"I don't know," she replied.

Al sat on the dock, at lost of what to do as Tsuruya covered her eyes from the sun to watch where the ferry was headed. As she looked around, she saw Haruhi staring at something in the distance with a wide smile.

"Wait you guys," Haruhi said. "I think I've got a plan."

* * *

Thanks for reading! What did ya think? If you were confused about the scene where Senataro and Kiyone were fighting, it was basically a take on a scene from the videogame review show called X-Play on G4TV. You should watch it. Especially if you like Zelda and God of War p Reading our closing note from the last chapter, I'm sorry to say that I'm not sure how our update flow will be like. School has been killing me, and it's kinda hard for me to write. HOWEVER! I will still stick to this because the up coming chapters are the shit...excuse the language. Once again, THANK YOU FOR READING! We are very grateful to everyone who has read our story, regardless if they review or not. 

Here's a complete list of all the animes used in the story so far. The ones in bold are ones that appeared in this chapter.

Fruits Basket, Negima, Pani Poni Dash, Serial Experiments Lain, Azumanga Daioh, Yamato Nadeshiko Shichi Henge, Spiral, **Bleach (again), **Naruto, FLCL, Air Gear, Full Metal Alchemist, Neon Genesis Evangelion, Noein, Super Gals, His and Her Circumstances, Eureka Seven, **You're Under Arrest, Excel Saga, Myself;Yourself (sorta).**


	7. The Big Sleep

**Guess what guys? **We're back. Scary, huh? It's been like, half a year since we last updated this. I wonder if people are still reading it with the flood of new fics that came in when Haruhi went ENG dubbed. To be honest,_ this chapter isn't our greatest_. I'D APPRECIATE NO FLAMES. To those who are still gonna read it, THANK YOU VERY MUCH! To those who aren't...well...that means you're not even reading this, so...you suck! Hahaha. Just kidding. Anyway, this is Chapter 6...finally. THANKS FOR READING. _**Oh, and whoever can tell me where our disclaimer and chapter title comes from first by next Wednesday gets to choose an anime character to appear in the next chapter.**_

**Special thanks to AJ and Maki, our forever fans . Even when the rest of you guys bail on us, those two will still be reading and laughing all the way. danielsgrassjugs **

**DISCLAIMER: **This chapter of SHNC contains extreme stunts performed by animated teens. Do not try any of what you see at home. Seriously, you can get really messed up. OH YEAH, and we don't own Haruhi. In fact, this whole chapter is based off another anime.

* * *

**CHAPTER 6**

**The Big Sleep**

For someone who just safely got on the ferry, Kyon was very unhappy with his current predicament. When he found out Haruhi was after him, he knew they were all screwed. He wondered if was fate, or completely random that she would be after them.

"Surprise!" Itsuki said, popping up in his face.

"With you Itsuki, it's never a surprise," Kyon muttered.

"So what are we gonna do tonight?" Itsuki asked.

"The same thing we do every night Itsuki," Kyon said. "Try to take over the world!"

"What?" Itsuki said, confused. "Really?"

"Oh no, I was just...you know what, forget it," Kyon said. "We'll think of something later. We have to."

* * *

"And explain to me why you're not rowing?" Al asked Haruhi as she sat at the stern of the boat, demanding them to row.

"I was the coxswain in the school's rowing team before I quit," she replied with a smile. "So I figured I'd take up the role again."

Al grumbled. "This is ridiculous! This rowboat isn't going to last out here!" A small wave crashed in on them, filling the bottom of the boat with a shallow pool of water. "We can't catch up with the ferry in this thing!"

"Well not if you row like that! Come on guys, you are the worst rowers I've ever seen!"

"Isn't the coxswains suppose to motivate the team?" Tsuruya asked.

"I am motivating you," Haruhi replied. "With tough love! Keep rowing!"

* * *

"Holy shit! I am so serious!" Taniguchi screamed as they walked around the deck.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Kyon asked.

"I don't know, I just feel so serious."

"Oh come on," Itsuki said. "No one is more serious than me."

"Oh yeah?" Kyon said.

"I am more serious than you!" Taniguchi said as he pointed a finger at Itsuki. "And I'll prove it!"

"Is that so?" Itsuki asked.

"Kunikida!" Taniguchi called out.

"Yes?" Kunikida asked.

"I want you to take a picture of my serious face so I can show it to Itsuki."

"But we don't even have a camera," Kunikida said.

"This is total nonsense," Kyon muttered.

All of a sudden the captain made an announcement on the intercom.

"Attention! We're going to hit an iceberg. I could steer away from it, and escape ultimate doom, but my Major Depressive Disorder is manifesting into suicidal thoughts and I want to take you all with me."

"Oh crap," Kyon said.

"We have to get out of here!" Itsuki commented.

"No shit," Kyon added.

As they ran to find an emergency boat, Kyon stopped as he realized, "Wait. There aren't any life boats on a ferry. And there sure aren't any icebergs anywhere near here." He started to laugh. "Hey guys, don't worry. It's impossible."

"How do you know?" Taniguchi cried as he ran around. "You don't look serious at all!"

* * *

"Holy crap!" Haruhi yelled, standing up at the front of the boat, causing it to rock violently.

"Don't make such sudden movements!" Al yelled, grasping onto the side of the boat. Mikuru almost fell out.

"I forgot to turn off my toaster."

Al let out a sigh. "Lets just keep rowing."

"You know, I made a decision once," Haruhi said, nonchalantly. "To take steroids."

Everyone gasped, including Haruhi herself.

"Really!?" Tsuruya asked.

"That's right Tsuruya," Haruhi said. "It may have given me fame and the ability to break the fourth wall, but there was dark side to it. I could tell you, but maybe I should sing it instead!"

All of sudden, cheesy techno music began playing.

Haruhi: "I took roids to me me strong!"

Tsuruya: "But don't you know that roids are wrong?"

Haruhi: "But it gave me my career!"

Mikuru: "It can give a girl a beard!"

Haruhi: "What will I do with out my Benz?"

Al: "You can do homework or hang out with friends."

Haruhi: "That's right! Roids are wrong! And so concludes my parodied song!"

"Ok, we killed a paragraph right? Lets get the hell out of here."

* * *

As Kyon and company ran looking for some way to get off the ferry, Itsuki stopped in his tracks.

"Itsuki, what's wrong?" Kyon asked.

"I don't know," Itsuki said. "But I think I felt someone break the Fourth Wall."

"That's Impossible," Yuki said. "There is no way for an anomaly like that to happen. Now I'm beginning to wonder when the writers will give me more dialogue."

"Wait, Itsuki said, confused. "Didn't you just do it right now?"

"Don't be silly," Kunikida added with a smile. "That can't possibly happen. Even the reader won't believe you."

"You see! It happened again!" Itsuki said, pointing to Kunikida.

"Look," Kyon said. "I'm sure it's nothing, lets just get the fuck out of here."

"Aw man," Taniguchi butted in. "But I didn't even get any dialogue . My fans will be very disappointed."

"Look, we have get out of here," Kyon said, frustrated by the nonsense, even though it was fun making fun of Itsuki. "Lets try jumping over board."

"And end up like the guy in Castaway?" Taniguchi asked. "No way!"

All of a sudden, a series of explosions were heard, and a giant one engulfed the ferry's deck. As the explosion occurred, Kyon shielded his face. _Oh God, this is the end, isn't it?_ He expected something to happen-bodies in the air, fire burning down the ferry-but after a few seconds he unshielded his face and saw everything and everyone was frozen in time. In fact, it seemed like he was the only one unaffected as he floated in the air with the disaster below him.

"What the..." Kyon muttered, looking around slowly.

"Ahh...finally. I have been waiting to speak with you, face to...face," said a slow, raspy, yet commanding voice.

Kyon saw everything fade to black, and then a middle-aged man with a tall and thin physique holding a briefcase came out of nowhere.

"Who are you?" Kyon asked.

"I'm...not a liberty to say, but others call me the...G...Man."

"Ok, whats happening? What did you do with everyone...and everything?" Kyon demanded.

"Oh don't worry," The G-Man said. " Your...friends are ok, but as for you, I have been watching you ever since the...events at a certain Tanabata festival."

"Wait...you've been stalking me?" Kyon asked. "After all I've been through, I'm really not surprised."

"Putting your reactions aside," The G-Man said. "I've been observing you from afar...and so far I'm liking what I see."

"What!?" Kyon replied. _That sounds some what sexual..._

"No, no...not like that," the G-Man said. "I mean your actions...have piqued my interest for a long time. You and your...friends have been tasked with keeping a great power in check."

"Who? Haruhi, you mean?"

"Yes...that girl. And you are the key. My employers have...taken an interest in you."

"Employers?"

"Correct...I report to a larger organization. You are well acquainted...with one of the members"

"Who? Is it..."

"I will leave that...bit of information disclosed for the time being. Very well...this is my stop. We shall meet again. Oh, one more final word," The G-Man said, backing away. "Make sure to prepare for...unforeseen consequences."

All of a sudden, the G-Man turned to his right as a glowing, white portal appeared in the darkness. He stepped into it and closed it behind him, leaving Kyon in complete darkness.

* * *

"OH EM GEE!" Haruhi yelled, standing from the boat.

"WIITT?" Al asked.

"IDK, MY BFF JILL!" Haruhi replied. "But seriously, the ferry just exploded and it looks like all the dead bodies landed on that island over there!"

"NO WEI!" Tsuruya said.

"STFU!" Mikuru screamed.

"OMGWTFBBQ!!" Kyon's sister piped in.

"WNTFAWTTIBWHTFTE!" Haruhi said, jumping off the boat.

"...What?" Al asked.

"Never mind," Haruhi replied, spitting out water. She held out her hand as Tsuruya and Mikuru helped her back into the boat. "I said we need to find a way to the island because we have to find the escapees."

"I agree," Al said. "But how are we supposed to reach the island. It's so far."

"Hmm..." Haruhi thought, wringing her clothes. "A shark would be very appropriate right now."

"Hows so?" Tsuruya asked.

"Haven't you ever seen Yamato Nadeshiko Shichi Henge?"

* * *

Kyon opened his eyes. He expected to be at the bottom of the ocean, or floating in a great, white space. Instead, he found himself lying in his bed.

"What the? Where the hell am I?" Kyon yelled.

"Not so loud!" Kyon's sister came into his room and sat on his bed. "You overslept again and you're late for school!"

"WHAT!? It's 10'o'clock...crap, crap...Hold on, aren't you supposed to be in school right now?"

Kyon rubbed his eyes and his sister was gone. In her place was Yuki, in the costume she wore during Haruhi's concert, eating an apple.

"What...Yuki...you...costume...apple?" Kyon stuttered in shock.

Yuki slowly turned around to face him, but instead of her face, it was the face of the G-Man.

"Rise and...shine, Kyon," the G-Man greeted him.

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Kyon screamed.

Kyon closed his eyes again. Then he heard a voice saying "Wake up...Wake up". He opened his eyes again, thinking that he would see the Yuki/G-Man hybrid again, but instead, he woke up to Itsuki shaking him.

"Dude, I think he's dead," said Kunikida.

"Alright, its settled. We eat his body for sustenance and use his bones to build weapons and shelter," suggested Taniguchi.

"Wha...NO! Are you crazy!?," Kyon yelled out.

"He's alive! But I think he needs a little CPR," Itsuki announced.

Itsuki bent over, closing in on Kyon's mouth.

"Uggh, NO!" Kyon screamed. He rolled out from underneath Itsuki just in time, causing Itsuki to bury his face in the sand.

"Hold on, are we alive? Where are we?" Kyon asked, looking around.

"Yeah. We got thrown into the water after the explosion and washed up on this deserted island," Taniguchi explained. "Since then, we've been trying to find a way off this damn island."

"Hold on, how long have we been here?"

" 'Bout 2 hours," Kunikida replied.

"Yeah, we thought you were dead. Anyways, you could be dying and I'd still be alive. And you could be dead and I'd still be alive. Still alive. Still alive!" Itsuki sung.

Kyon let out a sigh of relief. "Hey, where's Yuki?"

Itsuki pointed over to a nearby log. Yuki was sitting with her back turned to them. She was eating an apple and wearing the costume.

"I won't even ask," Kyon said.

* * *

"No. What's that?" Al asked.

"A show I was watching back home. This girl was trying to get to this island, and a shark attacked her boat and she ended up flying all the way to the island."

"And that's how you plan to get there?" Al asked. "That's the dumbest idea I've ever heard."

"But I saw it on the show!" Haruhi protested.

"Was it a live show?"

"Nope," she said. "It was an anime."

"Ya see?!" Al yelled. "It is a dumb idea!"

"Well it's the only idea I have," Haruhi said. She crossed her arms and pouted. "What great idea do you have?"

"Why don't we just row there? I don't see what's wrong with that."

"It's too time consuming and not dramatic in the slightest."

"I can't believe we're talking about this..."

"Umm..." Mikuru said, pointing behind Haruhi. "What's that?"

The group turn to check what "that" was and the minute they figured it out, they were all in disbelief.

"It's not possible to have a tsunami right now!" Al yelled, burrying his head in his hands.

"Acckkkkkk!" Mikuru yelled, clinging onto Tsuruya. Kyon's little sister, in turn, clutches Mikuru.

"PERFECT!" Haruhi yelled, standing up suddenly. "This will throw us onto the shore of the island!"

"Do you have no concern for safety?" Al asked in fear.

"Huh?" She merely asked.

"I hate you," he glared.

"AHHHHHHHHHH!!" Mikuru yelled. "It's here!"

"Don't worry!" Haruhi said with a smile on her face as the wave came closer. "If you don't believe in it, it can't hurt you!"

With her last idiotic phrase, the wave crashed into them, causing them to black out as they drifted towards the island.

* * *

After making shelter, Kyon and buds started to look for food.

"Ok," Itsuki said. "We need to find some food. The sun is starting to set, and the man-eating animal are about to prowl."

"What?" Kyon asked skeptically. "The sun isn't even setting."

"Who goes first?" Kunikida asked.

"One-two-three-not-first!" Itsuki, Taniguchi and Kunikida all said quickly at the same time.

"One-two...aw crap," Kyon said.

"Alright, that means you and Yuki go and find us food," Itsuki said.

"Fine." Kyon said. "Come on Yuki."

Yuki gave a slight nod and began to follow Kyon into the forest.

Once in the forest, Yuki and Kyon seemed to have a hard time finding food. Sure there were random berries and grubs, but he didn't know what they could eat and what could get them a horrible disease.

"So..." Kyon said to break the silence. "What do you think of our current situation?"

"Fine," Yuki said.

"Um...ok." _Wow she really needs to say more in social situations._

"But..." Yuki said.

"Yeah?"

"Why are you calling me by my first name?"

'Well, Haruhi made do it for a week, and now I'm use to it," Kyon said, looking around the forest floor. "Is it bothering you?"

"No."

"Alright then, but I'll try not to next time," Kyon said. "Say, Nagato?"

"Yes?"

"All this stuff that has happened hasn't been all...planned, right?"

"No special data manipulation has been used for these events," Yuki replied.

"Really? All this stuff, SHAMELESS, the bear, Johnson, it doesn't seem like all this can just happen."

"The percent of an event like this occurring is 1.17 percent."

"Well that's safe to know. I guess."

Kyon decided to drop the conversation as it was tiring to look for food, figure out who the G-Man was and keep up a casual conversation with Yuki. The latter was extremely tiring by itself. After searching for about an hour, Kyon had found plenty of things-a cave, a fallen tree, a chipmunk-but nothing they could eat. Extremely bored, Kyon decided that maybe Itsuki and the rest would have better luck and that they should head back to camp.

"Lets go back," Kyon said, turning around and heading back down the path. Yuki nodded and followed him. Everything was going well until Kyon rounded a corner where a random bear appeared and attacked him out of nowhere.

"Get it off of me!" Kyon yelled frantically as the bear was about to claw his face off. He shielded his face, ready for the worst, when Yuki, with Super-Man like strength, grabbed the bear off Kyon and threw it up in the air and out of the path.

"Wow," Kyon panted. "I thought I was a goner." As Kyon was about to get up, Yuki let out her hand to him up. After a moments pause, Kyon smiled and accepted. "Thanks."

"Get a room!" Taniguchi yelled. In reality, they were searching very close to the group.

"Shut up!" Kyon said.

* * *

"Where...am I?" Haruhi asked, slowly sitting up. Looking around she realized she was in a small row boat being steered by a small girl with long black hair and large red eyes. "Hey! Where are you taking me?"

The girl didn't say anything as she continued to row, staring in the distance.

"Answer me!" Haruhi yelled, trying to get up. Ropes binded her arms to the boat, however, and Haruhi began to struggle violently. "What the hell? What the hell did I do to deserve this?"

Suddenly, a miniature Kyon climbed onto her shoulder and said, "Haruhi, why did you have to get off my balls and kill me?"

"What?" She yelled.

"I will carry this vengeance to hell," the girl said, towards the distance.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Haruhi woke up in a sweat under the bright afternoon sun. She looked around and realized that it was all a dream. Mikuru, Tsuruya, Al and Little Sis were all scattered on the beach, still unconscious from the force of the wave. She rubbed her eyes and slowly got up to inspect the area.

The island seemed to be untouched with clean white sand and crystal clear waters. Behind the beach there was a dense forest that seemed to consume the rest of the island. She reached inside her pocket, expecting to feel the hard plastic of the small triangular locater. After shuffling around, however, she realized that while the walkie talkie was still there, the tracker had washed away into the depths of the ocean.

"Crap," she whispered, sitting on the sand against the tree. Rubbing her forehead she suddenly smiled when she came to a realization: the escapees were already on the island with no way out. She was sure to catch them if she hurried. She began to laugh malevolently. "There's no way out now!" With a new found spirit, Haruhi began to wake up the rest of the group as violently as ever.

"Wake up guys!" She kicked Al's leg as he lay next to a washed up log.

"Ow!" He said, getting up. "That hurt!"

"We've got no time!" She yelled as she shook Tsuruya's shoulders.

"What happeneds?" She asked, groggy.

"We have to go find the escapees. They're trap on this island with nowhere to go! How simple is this gonna be!" With a wide grin, she stooped over Little Sis' face and opened her eye lids and lightly slapping her on the face.

"Ahhh," Little Sis yelled, startled. Haruhi let go of her as she lay there, fully awake.

"Lets go Mikuru," she said, picking her up. Mikuru came to as Haruhi was about to throw her back into the water.

"GAH!" Mikuru screamed, kicking her legs.

"Oh good, you're awake," Haruhi said, dropping her violently. "Lets go!

"Hold on there!" Al said as Haruhi started to walk into the forest.

"What?"

"Do you even know where they are? How far away are they from here?"

"How should I know," Haruhi said, turning her back to him and walking towards the forest.

"You have the tracker!" He yelled.

"Oh. I lost it."

* * *

"Ok, since we don't have any food, because of these two were _distracted by each other,_" Taniguchi said as Kyon_'s_ face was filled with anger_. _"I guess we have to split up into groups."

"Ok, first off," Kyon said. "Me and Yuki are going together."

"You would like that wouldn't you?" Taniguchi said with a smirk. Kunikida chuckled.

"Shut up," Kyon repeated.

"Whatever," Taniguchi said. "Me and Kunikida will look together, ok?"

"Yeah, sure," Kunikida replied.

"I guess that means I'm all by myself," Itsuki said, shrugging his shoulders.

"Alright, we meet back here in an hour," Kyon said. "Agreed?"

"Agreed," Everyone replied.

"All right then, lets go."

Kyon and Yuki once again began searching for food. As they continued to do there part of this menial task, Yuki asked Kyon, "Why did you chose me to come with you?"

"Well, putting it this way," Kyon said. "Taniguchi and Kunikida can be a bit annoying sometimes, and Itsuki..well...never mind that. I just wanted someone peaceful around."

"Oh," Yuki said.

"Yeah..." Kyon said, a bit puzzled by her response. "Lets just get to the task at hand."

As they continued to walk deeper into the forest, they were unaware of a strange mist developing behind them.

* * *

"Man, this sucks," Taniguchi complained, kicking away a small rock in the path. "I could be making out with a hot girl back home right now."

"It's already been half an hour," Kunikida said, deciding not to touch upon Taniguchi's second remark. "Maybe we should head back already since it could take us awhile."

"We've got plenty of time."

"Yeah, but we haven't found any food yet. Maybe the others have."

"Come on, lets just keep looking anyway."

As Taniguchi and Kunikida kept walking, Taniguchi continued to talk casually about how good he was with the ladies, not paying attention to the path ahead. "One time," He said, walking backwards in order to face his friend. "I met this one girl at the store, and she instantly fell in love with me-AHHHHHHHH!" Like the idiot he was, he fell right into a medium sized crevasse.

Kunikida, in shock, attempted to grab him before he fell in, but he just ended up following him down there.

* * *

"We searched forever," Little Sis whined. "I though you said it would be easy to find them Haruhi."

"Well, she lied," Al said, sitting on the washed up log. They had found their way back to the beach after an hour or two of walking in circles, each one hungry and tired. "But it would have been easy if Haruhi hadn't lost the stupid tracker!"

"It's not my fault it got washed away in the ocean! Besides, we didn't try hard enough! You guys kept on complaining!"

"That's because we haven't had anything to eat or drink all day in this heat-"

"What about that free ice-"

"-other than your free ice, and we have virtually no energy after rowing all morning!" Al was already up and in Haruhi's face. She started at him and then said, "Fine. Lets split into two groups. One will look for food and the other can rest. I'll go and look for food. Who's with me?"

Looking around, no body raised their hands, all hoping to rest. Haruhi grew annoyed and said, "Fine. I'll go by myself! Just page me on the walkie talkie if something major happens." With that she stomped off into the forest, arms crossed.

"Is it really oks to let Haruhi go off by herself?" Tsuruya asked, sitting next to Al.

"Well, she seems ok with it," he replied, closing his eyes. "Besides what could possibly get our invincible Haruhi?"

"...Those stupid..." Haruhi mumbled as she walked through the forest, staring at the ground. She was lost in thought when she saw something up ahead of the path. She walked quickly towards the object and then gasped when she found out what it was. There lying in the dirt was a human skull, shiny and white as if it had been bleached multiple times. Forgetting her goal, Haruhi rushed back to the others with the skull in hand, not noticing the trail of mist coming from the eye sockets. As she ran, a deep voice yelled out," PLAY BALL."

* * *

Deep inside the crevasse there was a little ledge far below which, fortunatley for Taniguchi and Kunikida, caught them. They were stuck there for about ten minutes and already Kunikida was in the fetal position, crying his eyes off.

"I'm scared! I'm scared!"

"Stop crying!" Taniguchi said. "Will find some way out of this."

"Don't shout at me!" Kunikida said, hurt.

Taniguchi looked away from Kunikida and closed his eyes, starting to daydream. _If there was a beautiful girl beside me, this wouldn't be so bad. _He envisioned himself holding a beautiful girl with giant boobs in his arms, giggling stupidly.

As Taniguchi was having his fantasy, it was Kunikida's turn to daydream. _At a moment like this...if I had a cute animal beside me...it would be alright. _To set his mind at easy, he imagined himself cuddling a bear cub.

Both Taniguchi and Kunikida let out a sigh.

"Look, just hang in there for a while," Taniguchi said, unaware of a strange fog surrounding him. "I think we'll get..."

Opening his eyes Taniguchi gasped as he saw a beautiful girl now sitting right beside him in place of Kunikida.

"I didn't think things would turn out so well!" Taniguchi said, joyfully.

"Huh? What?" Kunikida asked, confused by Taniguchi's remark.

It was now Kunikida's turn to gasp. Opening his eyes, he saw a bear cub right beside him.

"N-no way!" Kunikida cried. "A real bear!?"

"I can't hold back any more!" Taniguchi yelled.

"To think there's a cute animal in a place like this!" Kunikida said.

"Let me hold you!" They both cried as they embraced each other, not realizing they were hugging one another.

* * *

Haruhi was running back towards the beach when everything around her started to go dark, enveloping her in black.

"What the-?" Haruhi muttered, slowly stopping. Looking around the darkness, she was startled as stadium lights lit up, revealing a baseball field. It was foggy, and the field seemed to stretch out for miles. As Haruhi looked at here surroundings, she spotted a mysterious figure walking toward her. At first she couldn't identify who it was, but as it got closer, it was none other than Kyon.

"Kyon?" Haruhi asked, confused."What are you doing here? What is this place?"

"This the world you created," Kyon said with a smile.

"What the hell are you talking about!?" Haruhi asked, becoming even more confused and slightly annoyed.

The surprises didn't end there. All of a sudden a butt load of ninjas came out of the sky. To add to the confusion, a knife appeared in Haruhi's hand. She looked around at the craziness and wondered if she was drugged or something. As the ninjas were about to attack, Haruhi put up a defensive and smiled. I have no idea if this is real or a fantasy, but what ever it is, this is so awesome. "Come and get some!" she yelled as the ninjas began to strike.

* * *

As Kyon and Yuki continued there fruitless search for food, it gave time for Kyon to look over the events he experienced over the last few days. He wondered if Haruhi was still after him and the rest, but given her determined spirit, he decided she probably was. And then the mysterious G-man character. He couldn't help but wonder who he worked for. The government? A race of super beings? Anything was possible. But the G-man said he knew his employers, and when it came to mysterious people working for mysterious groups, he could only think of three factions that he could be working for. As Kyon was thinking about theories and conspiracies, he suddenly found Yuki was no longer at his side.

"Oh great," Kyon muttered. "Nagato! Where are you!?"

* * *

Elsewhere, Yuki was wondering where she was well. She found her self in a vast, empty library with rows and rows of books all lined together in tall shelves. Yuki looked around and wondered were Kyon was.

She began searching for him in the massive library, but her search was useless as the room seemed endless. All of a sudden, a certain book she wanted to read appeared right in front of her on the floor.

She wanted to continue with her search, but for some reason, she couldn't keep her mind of the book. After a long battle of the wills, she decided to read it for a few minutes, and then look for him. She found a chair, and sat down, reading.

* * *

After a few minutes, Kyon found Yuki's unconscious body laying next to a tree. He kept trying to wake her up, but to no avail.

"Wake up!'' Kyon yelled. ''I have an apple!"

Even that didn't wake her up. As Kyon kept trying over and over again, the mysterious fog was around him, and soon, he fell unconscious.

* * *

"I'm so tired," Mikuru yawned as she leaned against a tree trunk. "And hungry."

"Well," Al said, eyes closing every now and then. "Hopefully Haruhi will be back soon."

Tsuruya and Little Sis had fallen asleep as Al and Mikuru waited silently for Haruhi's return. Sleepy and tired, they didn't notice the fog that started to develop around them.

"I could kill for some decent food right now," Al said with his eyes closed. Opening them slowly, however, he found that he was no longer on the island, but back in the computer club room hovering over Yuki Nagato, showing her how to...well...program a computer is what it looked like.

"Wait," Yuki said, grabbing his hand on the mouse. Her hand felt warm to him, and he couldn't help but blush. "So, you just key in this code and you are in?"

"Uh...yeah," Al said, confused but pleased.

"Wow," Yuki said with a bit of enthusiasm and a smile. "You are amazing."

"Well," Al smirked, backing out and crossing his arms. "I am pretty great with these things!"

"Truly," Yuki said, getting out of her chair. As she stood up, she stared at the computer club president's eyes, giving him chills down his back.

"What's wrong?" He asked, dumb founded.

"Nothing, it's just...I wanted to tell you...something..." Her stare was now directed towards the linoleum floor.

"What is it?" Al asked, concerned. "You can tell me anything."

"I just...I..." It was as if Yuki had suddenly been injected with extra cuteness and her stuttering made Al laugh._ It's just like one of those shoujou manga's, _Al thought. _Or a horrible fan fic! Wait. Stuttering? Wanting to tell me something? Horrible fan fic?_ "Yuki, you don't-"

"Al, I'm in love with you!" She yelled, embarrassed. She was looking at the floor, blushing like crazy.

Al was stunned. Pleasantly stunned. "Yuki, I..."

"Yes?" She said, still looking at the floor.

"Yuki, I love you too!"

"You do?" She squealed.

"Yes!"

There was a moment of silence before they were all over each other.

* * *

When Kyon awoke, his vision was a bit blurry, but quickly saw he was in the SOS brigade clubroom. He expected Haruhi to be standing over him taking pictures, but was surprised she wasn't even there. He saw Itsuki sitting across from, Yuki reading a book in the corner, and Mikuru preparing tea.

"Your awake," Itsuki said cheerfully.

"Where's Haruhi?"

"Who?" Itsuki asked.

"You know," Kyon said. "Haruhi Suzumiya? Your agency's supposed God?"

"Agency?" Itsuki asked, clearly confused "Are you okay Kyon?"

Kyon started to panic. He didn't end up in some other universe again, did he?

"Asahina!" Kyon said frantically. "You are time traveler, aren't you?"

"A time traveler?" Mikuru asked, looking concerned. "I'm not a time traveler."

"Nagato!" Kyon said. "Please tell me your an alien data entity."

"What are you saying?" Yuki asked plainly.

For Kyon this shouldn't be a shock-he dealt with a similar experience before-but for some reason he felt this was caused by something other than Haruhi. It only added to the pile of mysteries Kyon had left to solve.

"I'm going out for a walk," Kyon said, quickly heading towards the door.

"You go do that," Itsuki said. "Maybe you'll get your head cleared.

As Kyon walked out of the clubroom, he thought:_ Oh crap. If this is a dream, I have to wake myself up._ With no plan in motion, Kyon decided to go next door to the Computer Club. He knocked on the door, and after a few seconds later, the president appeared.

"Yes?" He asked. "How may we help you?"

"Yeah," Kyon said uneasy. "You do know who I am...right?"

"Uh...no."

Kyon closed the door in his face. He began to wonder the halls aimlessly until he encountered Tsuyura.

"Hey Kyon," She said. "Do you want to come to my house and drink syrup and play hockey? You remember prosmisin yesterday you'd come over, eh?"

After hearing her, Kyon quickly turned away and began to walk off.

"It must be a dream," Kyon whispered, paranoid. "But if it isn't, what do I do? And if it is, how am I suppose to wake up!?"

Kyon turned his head around in multiple camera shots before saying, "I'm in despair! The fact this is driving me crazy has left me in despair!"

As Kyon kept ranting about his despair, he had no idea he was walking right down a flight of stairs. He tripped on them, and brutally fell to the ground. Then, everything turned black.

* * *

Before Mikuru knew it, she had fallen asleep, only to be awaken by a loud bang.

"Gyahhhh!" She yelled, jumping in her spot. "Haru...hi?" Looking around she found she was no longer at camp, but at her own home. "What..."

"I'm sorry Mikuru!" Kyon said, suddenly popping out of the kitchen. "I dropped a pan."

"Oh no! It's fine! Are you alright?" She said, rushing over to him. Was the camp and the island all a dream?

"I'm fine," Kyon said with a smile. "Don't worry. Let me finish dinner. Just wait! It will be the best birthday dinner you've ever had."

_Birthday...dinner?_ Mikuru was definitely confused, but she kept silent. After all, one of her greatest desires was to have a private dinner with Kyon...

* * *

"Wake up, sis!" said a familiar, soft voice.

_Sis..._Little Sis thought. _Kyon's voice doesn't sound like that..._

"Wake up! You're gonna be late for school."

_School? _"What...school? It's summer..." Opening her eyes, Little Sis found Mikuru standing over her bed with her ever so warm smile. "Mikuru!"

"Yes?" She asked, sitting on her bed.

"What happened? Why are we back home?"

"What do you mean," Mikuru asked confused. "We've been home all this ti-"

"But," Littles Sis cut in, sitting up. "What about the island? And the summer camp and catching the escapees!"

Mikuru just smiled. "Silly. That was probably all a dream."

"And why are you here!" Little Sis demanded. "Where's Kyon?"

"Kyon?" Mikuru asked. "Who's that?"

"What?" Little Sis yelled in disbelief. "Kyon! My stupid older brother!"

"Um...Sis..." Mikuru said, concerned. "You don't have a brother. Just me. Your older sister."

"Wait," Little Sis said, standing up and pacing her room. "Are you telling me that _you're _my older_ sister_?"

"Well...yes."

Little Sis thought about this for awhile and then smiled.

"**YES**!"

* * *

"Wake up!" A familiar voice rang out to Kyon.

Kyon was still feeling disoriented, and soon felt multiple slaps to his face.

"Ow!" Kyon whimpered in pain. When the slaps stopped, he found out it was none other Itsuki. "Oh it's you," he said flatly.

"Finally, your up."

Kyon rubbed his forehead. "What happened?"

"I have no idea, but I think you were out for a while."

As Kyon sat up he found something out of place. "Wait, where is Yuki?"

"Oh yeah, I think she's... oh," Itsuki said, realizing something.

"What?" Kyon asked confused.

Itsuki pointed down at the ground near Kyon, which Kyon mistook as pointing as his privates.

"I have no time for your smex games," Kyon said, pissed.

"Not that," Itsuki said, still pointing to the ground.

Kyon peered down and realized he was actually sitting on top of Yuki.

"Oh crap!" Kyon yelled as he quickly got of her. "How the hell did that happen?"

"Well, it dosen't look like she's hurt," Itsuki said. "Anyway, it appears that you guy's were all unconscious or sleeping."

"Well, I guess it's time to figure out how we can fix this," Kyon said. "You carry Yuki, ok?"

"Sure," Itsuki said with his trademark smile.

As they were on there way, Kyon asked, "By the way, where are Taniguchi and Kunikida?"

"I saw them on a ledge in a crevasse," Itsuki said. "I think they were hugging each other."

Kyon mentally slapped his forehead. _Oh great, now there following his examples._

* * *

In the incomprehensible dream of Haruhi Suzumiya, she was enjoying every moment of the randomness in her mind. In the foggy baseball stadium, multiple people on motorcycles with polar bears in the side cars and Kyon in a cowboy outfit holding a flamethrower ridding atop a T-Rex were running toward her. Haruhi, who had become insane, had war-paint on her face. She picked up a ninja corpse, and threw it at the dinosaur. After a few minutes, with the power of Chuck Noris, Haruhi was standing on a huge pile of corpses while more were raining down on her.

"This is so cool!" She yelled.

* * *

After fishing Taniguchi and Kunikida out of the crevasse, Kyon and Itsuki began to head to the beach while carrying the bodies.

"Wait, why the beach again?" Kyon asked, panting. He had some trouble carrying both Taniguchi and Kunikida.

"That's were everyone else is," Itsuki replied.

_Everyone else?_

As they neared the beach, Kyon saw something that made his jaw drop.

"What the hell are they doing there!?" Kyon yelled pointing to the unconscious body's of Haruhi, Mikuru, Tsuruya, the Computer Club President and his own little sister.

"Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you." Itsuki said. "I found them and decided we should help them."

"Jeez," Kyon said. _How could he completely ignore the fact they were chasing after them? I mean, I know he's stupid, but seriously!_ "How do we even wake them up?"

"Well..." Itsuki said. "I know this ancient ritual that could wake them."

"Well, give it a shot," Kyon said. At this point whatever Itsuki did couldn't make their situation any worse.

Itsuki then got a long pole, and began chanting the ritual. "Chicken arise. Arise chicken. Arise!"

Soon, ancient voodoo music was heard all around them, ringing in their ears.

"Arise chicken. Ariiiiiiiiiiiiiiissssssssssseee!!."

All of a sudden, a giant holy beam was upon them and then exploded in a brilliant cascade.

* * *

"What..." Haruhi said slowly, waking up. "What happened?" She sat up and, realizing her wonderful world was just a dream, looked around to try and find Mikuru and the others.

"Haruhi. You're awake."

Haruhi froze at the all too familiar voice. Turning around slowly she saw, not only her crew, but Kunikida, Taniguchi, Itsuki, Yuki and of course, Kyon. They all looked tired, as if having just woke up from a deep sleep, with a hazy Mikuru in Kyon's arms.

"Hey!" Haruhi said, getting up and throwing Mikuru off of him. "Go lay on your own boyfriend!"

"What?" Kyon asked.

"Oww," Mikuru said, laying a few feet away.

"Oh," Haruhi said, remembering she was no longer in her dream world. "Sorry Mikuru." Then, realizing where she was: "What the heck are you guys doing here?! What happened?"

"Umm..." Kyon said. Telling her anything was risky, so he hoped the rest of the group would pick up on his plan as he lied through his teeth. "Field trip...yeah...um...so how are you feeling! You guys were knocked out cold."

"I had the strangest dream," Haruhi replied, forgetting Kyon's absurd answer. "I was in this completely awesome world where there were ninjas and dinosaurs and polar bears. Even you were..." She started, looking at Kyon. She started to blush and then looked away. "Never mind."

"Hey, I had a strange dream too," Kyon said. "I was in some crazy parallel universe where everything was all messed up."

"I was dreaming as well," Taniguchi added. "There was this really, really hot woman in it."

All of a sudden, everyone was having a big share fest about there dreams. Yuki's was about some book, Kunikida's was about some animal, and Kyon's sister's was about having Mikuru as her older sister, to Kyon's dismay.

What's wrong with me? Kyon thought, a little hurt over it.

As for Mikuru's and the Prez, they weren't willing to share there dreams for unknown reasons, leaving the others to figure out on there own. Apparently, Itsuki and Tsuruya didn't have any dreams, which Tsuruya was despairing about.

"Um...ok," Kyon said, slightly confused and annoyed. _What's wrong about me as a brother? _He decided to drop it. "Well, before we think about anything else, I think we need to find some food. Looks like everyone needs some."

"Oh! That reminds me," Haruhi said, looking around. "I found this skull in the woods. Have you seen it?"

"This one?" Itsuki said with a smile, pulling it out of nowhere.

"Yeah, that one." Haruhi said.

_What the hell,_ Kyon thought. _He needs to stop being...himself._

"Let's forget about that," Taniguchi said. "Right now, I'm starving. Lets go find some food ASAP."

As the group prepared to leave, Haruhi saw a small little device wash up on shore. Turning around to investigate, her eyes widened and a grin began to form. "Holly crap!" Haruhi said in astonishment. "It's the tracker!"

"What?" Kyon asked confused.

"Oh yeah, we were sent to find some renegade campers from SHAMELESS." Haruhi said casually, brushing off the sand on the screen.

As Kyon, Itsuki, and the rest of the crew heard those words, they all started to panic. Well, besides Yuki.

_Oh shit,_ Kyon thought.

"Hey, it's still working!" Haruhi said. She noticed that the beeping was really fast, meaning that there targets were close by. "Huh. That's weird."

_We're in deep shit._

"Hold on," Haruhi said. Looking down at the beeper, she read the escapees coordinates were a mere 3 feet away from her. But how... Realizing Kyon's lie, she gave him the death glare and said, "You don't get field trips in summer camp..." In a seriously pissed of voice, she said, "Kyon you've got a lot of explaining to do."

_Son of a bitch._

* * *

To be honest, I don't feel like writing a long author's note, so I won't. The only thing I'll say is what I said above: **If you can tell me where our disclaimer and chapter title comes from, you can choose any anime character you want to appear in SHNC and we'll add them.** I thought it would be kinda fun. Haha.

We didn't add any new appearances, but here's the ANIME LIST:

Fruits Basket, Negima, Pani Poni Dash, Serial Experiments Lain, Azumanga Daioh, Yamato Nadeshiko Shichi Henge, Spiral, Bleach (again)**, **Naruto, FLCL, Air Gear, Full Metal Alchemist, Neon Genesis Evangelion, Noein, Super Gals, His and Her Circumstances, Eureka Seven, You're Under Arrest, Excel Saga, Myself;Yourself (sorta).


End file.
